


Yellow//Eremin

by squishwrites0



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cutting, Depression, F/F, F/M, Gay, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trigger Warnings, i mean very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2018-08-18 21:50:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8177293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishwrites0/pseuds/squishwrites0
Summary: Look at the stars, look how they shine for you--Armin feels that he has no place in the world. Eren is there to fix that.





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why can't I be happy? What is with all this karma for nothing? Why am I paying the price for nothing I ever spent? Why can't I just be normal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: self harm, suicide attempts, mentions of suicide, depression, traumatic experiences, major deaths of family members, rape/non-con, mentions of rape, homophobic slurs (censored) 
> 
> All warnings do not take place in the same chapters as mentioned.
> 
> (Reposted with changes made by an editor of mine. Thank you for the help c: )
> 
> ~~I am not looking to have any more editors~~

Every day. Every single day for me is an endless loop. No matter what, I can't escape it. Have you ever read that one book, Miss. Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children? It's as if I am stuck in a world like theirs, just it's a dark scary place and I'm completely alone. I'm stuck in a loop. There's no escape. I'm different, no one likes me. I can't escape. It's endless...

School is hell. Home is quiet. I have no friends, only people that hate me besides teachers. I'm not accepted and I never will be. I have people who I've never actually talked to or know anything about that hate me to such a degree that they want me to die. They attack me almost every day hoping I end my life and I've never actually spoken to them. Why do they hate me?

Because I'm different.

My house is always empty except for me. My parents are dead and I live with my grandfather who refuses to his job that requires him to almost always be gone. He doesn't hate me. He provides me with money for food and emergencies and cares about me. He asks how I am whenever he calls.

"Yes, grandfather. I am doing well. Yes, grandfather. I am okay. Everything is well"

Nothing is okay. I'm in a dark place. I have been for years. He can't see through my lies and I don't want to bother him with my problems. I only wish he'd retire. He can. He has enough money, but he doesn't want to.

I'm lonely. I have no one. No friends. You're my only family. You're the only one left and you now that. It's been like that for nearly five years.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Today is like any other day. My house is dead silent with an exception for the water flowing from the shower head above me. I don't want to go to school. I want to sit in bed and sleep until I never wake up. Everyone hates me. I'm alone, but I have to go. I'd never actually ditch. My obsession over keeping perfect grades is in control of that, but oh, how I'd love to leave and never return. What's the point of staying here? What's the point of even staying on this world if no one would noticed your disappearance?

That's all I think about.

Is life even worth living if no one give a single shit about you? Is it worth going through this pain to eventually find the "light at the end of a tunnel" that everyone claims exists? There's no light. There's no happiness. It'd be there one second, and be gone the next. It would only be a tease.

I quickly step out of the shower and put on my clothes to avoid seeing myself in the mirror. I can't stand looking at myself. I'm such an ugly human being.

Before I know it, I am walking out of the house with my backpack and layers of clothing to keep me warm. Winter is not fun for me. I can't drive a car, I have no one to drive me, I don't have a bike, and I'm close enough to school where I don't have to ride a bus even though it's a far walk. By the time I get to school I'm always sure that I have frostbite no matter how many layers I have on.

If only I had a boyfriend. One that would hold my hands to warm them up. If only I had someone I could joke around and be happy with. If only there was a boy out there that loved and cared about me. Someone who'd kiss me on the forehead to cheer me up. If only...

My feet, hands, and nose were completely numb by the time I made it to school. Since I was early, everyone was still waiting outside the doors for them to open. I mindlessly wandered around the properly staring down at my feet. Eventually, I managed to ram myself into another student and earned myself a "watch where you're going, f*ggot" from them.

Ah, school. What a magical place. Everyone's an asshole, and the teachers couldn't care less about how you feel, or how depressed you are. It's only the money that's important, right? That's exactly why I hate it here. I have no one to talk to so my emotions just stay bottled up in me waiting to come out. I'll probably go crazy before I make a friend. Or maybe kill myself... What's the point of living if this is how life is going to be?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I was the first person to arrive in my homeroom class. It was completely empty. Not even a teacher was in there. I sat down in the back like I usually do and begin checking if I have all my notebooks and shit for class. After that, I proceed to draw pointless doodles on my folder. Nothing much. Just flowers and some patterns and designs.

I really am a girl. God, no wonder why I'm always called one.

A couple students show up and quietly sit at their desks and work on homework, or read. After some time, a student that I do not recognize walks in. He had tan skin, brown messy hair, and the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. He looked like someone you'd see in a movie. The typical main character that falls in love with the female character.

"Huh. What brings you here you blockhead." Jean says in a snarky tone.

"Oh can it, horseface. Didn't you hear me at lunch last week? I said I was switching classes, dumbass, or where you too busy flirting with Marco."

Yay. Another douchebag classmate. Just what I needed.

"Jesus Christ, Eren. I'm not fucking gay, but if your sister wants to-"

"Talk to her and I'll kill you. She's not interested in some conceited dickwad like you." The other male interrupts.

As I'm drawing on the inside of the cover in my notebook, my pencil snaps. Irritated, I get up to sharpen it and manage to ram into the new kid, Eren.

"Oh shit, I-I'm sorry!" I say awkwardly. Way to screw things up, Armin.

"Dude, chill. It's fine." He says calmly.

He bends over and grabs the pencil and hands it to me smiling kindly. I grab the pencil gently and feel my cheeks heat up slightly.

"Woah, Jaeger's got a girlfriend!" Jean yells mockingly.

"Wait, girl? No offense but I thought you were a boy.."

"I-I am. I'm a boy." I stutter, hoping he believes me despite my incredibly high, feminine voice.

"Oh, well in that case, hah GAYYYYYYYY!" Jean calls out.

Frightened and embarrassed, I look at the ground in order to avoid eye contact. I walk back to my seat and hope the teacher arrives soon.

"Cut that shit out, Jean. I'm sure your mommy wouldn't be happy if she knew about this. Or maybe you're daddy will give you a whipping. That's one way to get a horse to behave." Eren teases.

"Pff, well at least I have a father."

Eren's expression drops. For a second, I feared he was going to cry. Ouch. I know how that feels.

"What the hell did you just say to me, asshole!" He screams grabbing the collar of Jean's shirt. "You know damn well not to say shit like that to me!"

"Guys, just quit it. Jean, stop being a dick. The bell is about to ring. Everyone, including the teacher, will be here any second now." Mina, another student, says.

Eren throws Jean back down in his seat and follows that by kicking the let of his chair. I see Jean flip him off out the corner of my eye. Eventually, everyone arrives. The teacher walks in and Eren gets out of his seat.

"Uh, where are the textbooks for this class?" He asks.

"Oh, they're in the back room. Armin, can you go show him where to get the textbooks."

I nod quietly and sit up from my chair. Eren follows behind me into a small storage room with a large book case and many other boxes stacked around it.

"Sorry about Jean.. He's kind of a dick. I had no idea being decent human beings meant we're gay."

"It's fine." I say. "I'm used to it."

"Used to what? Being treated like shit?"

"Well, yea. If I'm either called gay, or a girl. Or both... I've become used to it. It happens everyday."

"I'm sorry..."

I stand up on my toes in attempt to reach one of the text books for Eren. Of course they were on the shelf that I should not reach.

"Here," Eren says, noticing me struggle. "I can lift you up."

"Wait, no, it's fine-"

Before I could finish, a pair of hand were wrapped around my waist and I was lifted up. I quickly grabbed a book and was set down. I handed it to Eren, trying not to seem awkward (which was a total fail, I may add).

"Thanks."

We walked out of the room just as class was beginning. The class was pretty large so very few seats were available, and most were near me. Eren decided to sit in the empty chair next to me. Why? I'm not sure. He'll regret any decisions of his if he tried to befriend me.

Our teacher, Mrs. Walters, instructs us to write down notes. Eren shifts around in his seat seeming as if he were looking for something.

"Armin?" He whispers. I look up from my notes at him only for our eyes to meet. I quickly look away. "Can I borrow a pen?" He asks.

I nod in response and grab a pen from my pencil pouch. As I hand it to him, his fingers lightly brush against mine. He didn't seem to notice.

"You can keep it."

"Thanks."

Why was I getting so flushed over such small things? Am I really that desperate? I haven't had any friends for so many years, let alone someone treat me with some respect. That's probably why. These small things that he is doing are so weird, but to others it's just normal. Most people take the respect they get for granted. That is, until you are deprived of happiness. Then you're left craving the kind words of other, or just a friend. I envy those who spend their entire school day with their friends. I envy those who get excited to work on group projects. It's hard not to be jealous.

Before I know it, the bell rings, letting us out. I quickly grab my belongings and head out the door.

"Hey, wait!" I hear someone call from behind me.

Eren runs up beside me holding a sheet of paper with some writing on it.

"What do you have second period? I have science."

"I do too." I say quietly.

"Really? Cool! Are there any seats by you that are open. You're pretty cool."

"Yea, but I'm not sure you want to sit with me... I'm the scum of this school. If anyone sees you with me you may lose all respect from others."

"Pff, yeah right. You're awesome. I can introduce you to my other friends during lunch. I'm sure they'd think the same."

"Depends on if they know me. If they do, they definitely won't think that." I say sadly.

"Oh c'mon. I doubt anyone thinks of you that way. I mean, of course you'll have people that'll dislike you, but I'm sure there's plenty of people that like you!"

"You'd be surprised..." I murmured not knowing if he heard me or not. Either way, he didn't respond to what I said.

"My locker is down here." He says pointing to a hallway. "See you in science?"

"Yea, sure.."

I continue walking straight, in order to reach my locker. Quickly, I gather my things for my next class in attempt to avoid running into them.

"Hey Reiner!" A feminine voice calls out. "I found this pretty blonde girl! Oh wait, it's just Armin." Ymir taunts mockingly.

I proceed to grab my things from my locker acting as if they aren't there. Maybe if I ignore them they'll go away.

"Hey, f*ggot. Look at me when I talk." She says, swatting the side of my head.

"Cut it out..." I groan.

"Excuse me? Are you telling me what to do." She says with a shove. My textbook and binder fall out of my hands and drop to the ground. A few students watch as Ymir gets closer to me, but do nothing to help. They just watch.

"You do not tell me what to do. I am much bigger than you. I am much stronger than you. And I am not some pathetic excuse of a human being like you." She hisses, shoving me each time she paused. Eventually, I ended up on the ground

I looked down to avoid eye contact with Ymir. She kicked me several times, one landing straight on my kneecap which earned a squeak from me. It hurt like hell and I was afraid she broke my knee, or at least bruised it really badly. The bell rang signaling the start of this period.

"Aw you poor thing. You're late to class now. Good luck getting there." She mocked me. She turned around and left along with Reiner, who said almost nothing. They went pretty easy on me.

I attempted to stand up but fell to the ground. She definitely screwed up my knee one way or another and I had no idea how I'd get to class. Should I just stay here until someone comes? I didn't really have much of a choice. Would I get in trouble if I stay? I doubt I would since I'm injured, but what about Ymir? I'm sure she'll get in trouble. She'd definitely kill me for ratting her out. I could just tell them I fell if anyone asks. There's no other option.

About twenty minutes later I heard someone walking down the hallway. I was hoping they'd see me, but at the same time I was hoping they wouldn't. I could hear the sound of their feet tapping against the ground nearing the hallway.

"Armin? What are you doing here?" A familiar voice asks. "Ms. Jaeckin is wondering where you are. She said she's worried about you because you've never been late. Here, I'll get your things." He says walking towards my notebooks which were scattered along the lockers.

"What happened?" He asks worried.

"N-nothing... It's fine, I'm okay. "

"How come you're late? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, I swear. It doesn't matter. Let's just get to class.."

There's a dull ache in my knee. The pain is much better than earlier, which is good. I assumed that whatever happened was just temporary. However, I discovered I was very wrong once I put weight on it. I yelped in pain and fell to the ground, dropping my things once again.

"Did you hurt yourself or something? I could bring you to the nurse so you could call home. "

"No, I'll be okay. I swear."

"Armin, you can barely walk. How are you going to make it six more periods? Who did this to you?"

"No one. I'm just clumsy. I rammed into you this morning. I fall a lot."

"Okay.." He says, clearly not believing my "I'm just clumsy" excuse.

It takes a little while, but we finally make it to the office where I'm taken into a small room with a couple cots and a fridge. I'm sat down on one of the cots and given a baggie full of ice to place on my knee. I'm told that I should probably not walk on it for the rest of the day and go to the doctor if it doesn't get better.

I look at the floor sadly. How will I get home? My grandfather is out of town and I don't take the bus. I can barely walk and I wouldn't have gotten myself into this mess if I hadn't tried standing up for myself.

"You okay?" Eren asks, sitting beside me.

"Yea, I'm okay." I lie.

"Are you sure? You look a bit upset."

"It's just... I'm not sure how I'll get home. I don't have anyone to pick me up."

"Do your parents work far from here?"

"Well, no... I don't have parents." I say sadly.

"Oh, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I... I know how you feel, actually. My dad died recently. Dealing with the death of a family member is hard, even though I was never close with him."

"It's been about five years for me. I'd rather not talk about it." I say.

"Wait, who do you live with?"

"My grandfather, but he's almost always out of town for work. It gets a bit lonely."

"Well, maybe you can stay here until school ends and I could have my mom pick us both up. Where do you live?"

"Oh, thank you. I really appreciate that. I live on Sina road. It's by the library."

"Really?" Eren says, excited. "I just moved on that street! That's so cool."

"Yea, it is. Thanks for offering a ride. Really, it means a lot to me."

"No problem! It's the least I could do for a friend."

That word. It hit me hard, not in a bad way, though. I paused, not sure how to respond to that. I brought my hand up to my mouth and felt tears welling up in my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Eren asks. "Was it something I said?"

"I... I never thought I'd hear someone call me their friend."

His eyes widened. He seemed surprised at my response. The sleeve of my sweater pulled down slightly, but I quickly pulled it up hoping that Eren would never see that terrible side of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time publishing anything from this story... I hope you like it. At some parts, I really am pouring my heart out. A lot of this is written based off of personal experience. Updates will not be regular at all, but I felt like publishing. Excuse any spelling errors that may have gone un-noticed. ~Levi/Armin


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend... I have a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update. Thanks for all the reads!
> 
> I apologize for the lack of spaces between paragraphs. I copied and pasted this from where it had been written. I'll try to fix that at some point. Hopefully it's not too hard to read

I stayed in the nurse’s office for the remainder of the day. My teachers did come by and give me my homework for the day and I spend my extra time reading. As Eren promised, he called his mom and had her pick us both up. She was very nice welcoming and very motherly. It made me happy, although I was being my awkward self and probably seemed like an idiot. Eren also introduced me to her as his friend, which almost made me tear up again. It felt like a dream.  
I... I have a friend...  
The only question is: how long will he stay? How long will he stay before he sees the scary side of me? Will my mental disorders, scars, and sad life scare him away? Will he give up on me? He seems too nice to do that but you never know. He could end up like Ymir. I'd hate to ever imagine that happening.   
Enjoy it while it lasts, Armin. Enjoy it while it lasts...  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
There I sat at my desk working on a poster for an assignment. That was until my phone vibrated. I rolled over to my bed on my spinning office chair (that I definitely do not sit on for long periods of time just spinning) and checked my phone. It was my grandfather.  
G: I got a call from your school nurse. Is everything okay?  
A: Yea. I got a ride home from a friend.  
G: Okay, that's good to hear. Nice to know you've got some good friends.  
I stared at that sentence for a while. He really thought I had friends? Granted, he never really asked about friends. He just assumed I had them, but I don't. Well, there is Eren, but we just became friends and I doubt it won't be long before he leaves be behind as nothing but a bad memory.  
A: Yea. It was nice of them to do that.  
G: I hope you were polite, but you always are so I don't have to worry about that. Also, I'll be home tomorrow night. I have to go now.  
A: Okay, see you tomorrow!!!  
I set my phone back down on my bed and rolled back over to my desk, only for it to vibrate again. As I did before, I kicked off my desk and rolled back over to my bed and grabbed my phone. An unknown number had texted me.  
Unknown: Hi, it's Eren c: Totally not some weird stranger.  
I set the contact name as 'Eren' knowing full well that it was him.  
A: Hm, I'm not sure if I believe you  
E: Oh c'mon. I had you give me your number, or are you just playing stupid?  
A: Idk... Am I :) ????????  
E: You 'lil shit.  
I giggled at his little 'insult.' It was much easier for me to be casual when I'm not physically speaking. It was nice having someone to talk and joke around with.  
Enjoy it while it lasts......  
E: Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to hang out once your knee gets better. I'd invite you over today, but you should probably rest...  
A: Are you sure? I mean, we just met, and I'm not really the most exciting person to be around.  
E: Oh stop with that. You're a lot cooler than you think! Plus, you're really smart and great at art :)  
A: Thanks, that means a lot to me. My grandfather will be coming home tomorrow so I can't really hang out tomorrow because I want to see hm before he leaves again. Maybe during the weekend?  
E: Yea, that sounds good! Maybe you can stay the night, especially since we live so close.  
A: Okay :)  
Man, it really feels nice to have a friend, but it keeps me thinking,  
will he stay after he sees the real me?  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next day at school went by as it usually did, but this time I felt different. I was more responsive, less shaky, and a lot more positive about being here. It's only been a day and I feel so much better...  
Lunch eventually came around and I went to my usual table. It was sort of in the back of the cafeteria where almost no one sat, it was usually empty. I know Eren mentioned something about introducing me to his other friends, but I didn't want to just invite myself over. That would not be a good first impression, would it? I hope they're nothing like the other kids in our school. It seems as if no one in this whole goddamn building has the slightest bit of common sense, or matters. Teachers definitely don't get enough credit for putting up with our bullshit everyday. How can some of them last 20+ years in this building? I can barely last a week.  
I wasn't expecting Eren to come looking for me, but he did. He showed up at my small empty table.  
"Hey, I thought you were going to come sit with me and my friends."  
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know where you were or if you still wanted me to...."  
"Of course I do!" He says happily. "They want to meet you as well."  
I pick up my tray and follow him over to a table full of loud, crazy teenagers. He had so many more friends than I expected, but then again, how can you not like him.  
"Guys, this is my friend Armin!" He said, looking at me with a smile. I earned a mixture of 'hi's and 'hello's from them and I gave a shy smile and a wave in return before sitting in the empty seat beside Eren.  
"So Eren, is she your girlfriend" a brunette girl with her haired tied back teased. I sunk down in my seat. Why must everyone mistake me for a girl...  
"No," Eren starts. "HE, is not my girlfriend."  
"Oh, shit! I'm sorry, Armin." She quickly apologizes.  
"It's fine... It happens all the time. I'm used to it."  
"Let's introduce you to everyone, Armin." Eren says, changing the topic. "That's Levi, and his girlfriend Hanji." He says pointing to a rather short male with cold blue eyes and a female with a ponytail, bangs that were about chin-length, and glasses who looked quite similar to the one who misgendered me (no harsh feelings). "That's my sister Mikasa," the raven haired girl gave me a small wave and I noticed she had very similar eyes to the one male, Levi. "Over there is Sasha, and her boyfriend Connie. They're slightly retarded." Sasha had what seemed to be a very large piece of a potato shoved in her mouth and Connie was sticking carrots into her ponytail. "That's normal, by the way. You'll get used to them." He pointed to a tall, freckled male who was smiling at me. He looked rather cheery and seemed like a nice person. "And... You've met dickwad over there." Eren finished pointing to our two-tone haired classmate who was apparently often referred to as 'dickwad,' or at least by Eren.  
"Well fuck you too, Jaeger. Now would you mind telling me when you two are going to start dating? I can literally taste the gay."  
"Oh quick accusing Armin of being gay! Neither of us are. Now would you quit it! You probably just taste it from you and Marco's make-out session."  
"Oh, you know full well that I'm into your sister, not Marco." Jean says earning a disgusted 'gross' from Mikasa.  
"Get used to it, kid." Levi says to me. "Those brats are at it everyday. You'll eventually learn to ignore their bullshit."  
I nod quietly. Okay, I admit, I am a bit scared of him. He doesn't quite seem like the friendliest person, but like I do with everyone else, I'll give him a chance. He can't be that bad.  
"Jesus Christ, you look like you have something shoved up your asshole. Calm now, I don't bite."  
"U-uh..."  
"Levi has a sixth grader's humor. Don't mind him." Hanji says.  
"Can it four-eyes."  
At this point, I wasn't sure if my presence was a good thing. It seems as if almost everyone were bickering because of me. Was that true?   
"I-if you guys don't want me to sit here, I can go." I say, beginning to get up.  
"Wait, Armin!" Eren yells. He gets up as well.  
I go and throw out my almost un-touched food and begin to walk away. If they did not want me there, why was I invited in the first place? As I walk down the hall, I hear footsteps behind me.  
"Why are you following me? It's clear you guys don't like or want me to be around. It's fine, really. I understand."  
"No, Armin. That's not it. I, well... u-um, I.... I'm sorry." He says, looking down at the ground. "I really am. It's not that we don't want you around, we just bicker like brother and sister. We all have different personalities and ways of expressing ourselves. We don't hate you, really. We want you to be there. We are all different, you know... Pretty much everyone there has dealt with some shit in our lives and we're always there for each other. Don't you want people like that?"  
Yes, I do...  
"We've all dealt with things that are terrible. Deaths of parents, exposure to drugs, abuse, depression, attempted suicide... You name it. At least one of us probably has experience."  
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was like that. It just seemed that you guys weren't fond of me so I left."  
"No, we all like you. I'm sure even Jean does too, he's just an asshole. Lunch is basically over, anyways. We might as well just head to our lockers now."  
We walked in silence, making our way down the hallways leading to our lockers. Eren went down the one that lead to his, giving me a wave a small smile before heading off, which I returned. Once I made it to my locker, I was met with an unpleasant surprise.  
"You thought you were going to get off easy, kid?" Reiner taunted. I remained silent in order to avoid having yesterday's events happen once again. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and lifted me a couple inches off the ground. He was quite a large student.  
"Answer me, kid!"  
"N-no..."  
"Clearly, you fucking wimp."  
"No, I did not."  
He threw me to the ground. "That's what I thought. I see you made some friends over there, now is that right?"  
"Y-yes, but don't hurt them, please!"  
He lifted me once again, but this time he slammed me against the locker and kept me firmly placed against them.  
"Don't you tell me what to do you f*ggot. It's not like I'll have to do anything. You'll ruin it for yourself, you worthless piece of shit. They'll see how truly pathetic and terrible you are and they'll leave you behind.  
I nodded quickly, knowing that it's best to just agree with what he says.  
"They'll see the real you, how terrible and ugly you really are, and they'll turn on you. You'll have an army against you. You don't stand a chance in this world. I'd tell you to just kill yourself already, but then I wouldn't have someone to toy with every day."  
"If I were you, I'd put the kid down." A deep voice says from behind Reiner. He drops me, but his hand remains firmly grasped around my arm.  
"Trying to boss me around, shortstack?"   
I managed to look around Reiner and see that one of Eren's friends, Levi I think it was, was standing there. He was definitely on the short side.  
"Pick on my size all you want, asshole, but I guarantee I can kick your ass. Don't even try. Now, put down the damn kid."  
"Okay, I will." He says in a "I'm going to do what you say but be a bitch about it" tone as he throws me to the side as if I weigh as much as a feather.  
Levi looks over as me for a split second, obviously worried, but returned his glare towards Reiner. Before I can even comprehend his actions, he grabs Reiner's arm and slams him against the same lockers I was pressed against not even a minute ago with his arm tightly pinned behind his back in a very painful looking position.  
"Now, listen up here. You don't touch that kid, you are not to speak to him, and you are not to even look at him. If you do, well, I'd hope you're not allergic to nuts because I won't hesitate to rip yours off and shove them down your throat, assuming you even have any. I'm not even showing all my strength as I speak, I can do much more. Don't fucking mess with me or any of my friends." Levi let's go of Reiner. "Get the hell out of my sight."  
Reiner stalked off, an angry expression on his face. Levi's threats are not going to work on him. He'll pick on me any chance he gets. Not only that, but he's not the only asshole that targets my weak ass.   
Levi walks towards me offering to help me up. I grab his hand and he yanks me up quickly.  
"T-thanks... You didn't have to do that, really."  
"Well, I did it anyways. Now get to class before you're late."  
I nod and quickly grab my things for my next class.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute lil fluffy sleepover c: kind of a filler
> 
> oh yea, it's been exactly a month since I published this and 263 individual people have read it. That's amazing. I love you all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self Harm
> 
> An expression used to describe the act of hurting oneself, most of the time by cutting but also burning, breaking bones, hitting yourself etc.

Today was not off to a good start. Now, let me explain why.

Last night my grandfather had come home and I tried once again to convince him to retire. He, of course, said no and explained he did not want to. I did not pester him further after I got that answer. After dinner I went upstairs and locked myself in my room. I was having one of those days where everything set me off. All I wanted to do was cry. I longed for death.

My grandfather went to bed early since he had been on flights all day and was tired, but I barely got any sleep.

This morning, however, I had woken up only to discover several bloodstains on my bed and had to quickly change my sheets before Grandfather saw. Sadly, I had relapsed the night before after three weeks of no self harm. Thank god it's the winter, so I have en excuse to wear long sleeves. I went to school feeling worse than yesterday.

Once I had gotten to class (I was a bit late. Well, not late, but I wasn't super early like I always was and I had discovered Eren was not there). He didn't appear at all during first period so it was safe to assume he was mostly likely sick. My day went on as usual, but luckily I had not run into Reiner and/or Ymir.

After third period, Eren had arrived at school explaining that he had a doctors appointment and apologized for not being here this morning. I told him it was okay, because it wasn't his fault. After fourth period, he came up to me, wearing a worried expression on his face.

\------------------------------------------------------------

"Levi told me what happened yesterday after lunch. Are you okay?"

"Um- yes, I'm fine." I lie.

"Are you sure? He told me what that one guy did to you. Did that really happen, because if so, that wasn't cool." He says worriedly. I sigh.

"Yes, I'm okay. Yes, it happened. It's over with, and it doesn't matter."

"Okay... I just wanted to make sure. Hey, at least Levi was there. We're all here for you."

It takes me a moment to process what he had said to me. We're all here for you. No one has ever said that to me.

"So..." Eren started, breaking the short awkward silence. "Would you like to come over this weekend? I was going to hang out with some of my other friends but we just met so I thought I'd hang with you instead."

"No, no. It's fine. You can go hang out with them instead. I'm... I'm not much of an interesting person, to be honest."

"If you have other plans, that's fine. It doesn't have to be this weekend." He says, clearly not getting what I was saying. It's not that I'm trying to avoid him, I just don't want to bore him.

"No, I don't have plans. I just don't want you to cancel yours for me. Really, I'm not as cool as you say I am. I'm not cool at all."

"Bullshit! You're awesome, and I barely even know you, but, if you don't feel like doing anything, you don't have to. I have weekends where I don't want to do anything too."

I nod in response as we enter the classroom and sit at our seats. Our technology teacher, Mrs. Moreck, begins talking about our next assignment. It's a group assignment. Just great. We were also told it was not something to be done independently. Who'd work with me? How should I know that. She isn't picking out partners so someone would have to come up to me. No one would do that. Sure, Eren is in this class, but Hanji is as well, and there were no groups of three.

Why must I have such terrible luck?

She allows us to leave our seats and find a partner. I look for Eren and Hanji, knowing that they'd be together but come to find that Hanji is with another student whose name I think was Erwin. I turned around to sit down in my seat and waited for the last student unable to get a partner to be paired with me, but ended up nearly having a heart attack when I saw that he was behind me.

"Jesus Christ, Eren! Don't do that!"

"Haha, sorry about that. You were looking for me, weren't you?" He says, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"Well, yea, but I didn't think you were partnering with me. I assumed you'd be with Hanji since you two are... Closer. I was just waiting for there to be one last person. That's usually what happens." I explain.

"Oh, Hanji has Erwin to partner with. I wanted to be with you anyways so I guess this all works out."

"Yea, I guess."

Throughout the period we managed to get nothing done, but that was fine. We had until next Tuesday (today was Friday). At one point, however, I ended up dropping my pencil and both me and Eren went to grab it. His hand ended on top of mine and quickly flinched and slammed the back of my head on the bottom of the table which was just amazing, but I have to admit that it was kind of funny, other than the fact that I was probably extremely flushed afterwards. Something about having someone's hands on mine, or really any kind of physical contact, just felt so nice. I felt... safe. It was a strange feeling, really. I've never been like this before. Why am I like this all of the sudden?

Sometimes I do wonder if that whole "love at first sight" bullshit is really true. Could that be why I feel so vulnerable towards Eren? I didn't really feel like that would be a problem between us. Sure, he's straight (or probably straight), and even if he isn't I know for sure he's got standards. I fit no one's standards. Who'd like a person like me in their life? It's one thing being a 'friend' but a boyfriend? No. No way. Even if I was developing a crush on him, I'd get over it. I can't remember the last time I liked anyone, so who knows what these feelings are. I'll probably end up very clingy if he does remain a friend. I mean, I have never had a real friend before. Maybe one here or there back in preschool and kindergarten, but not an actual friend that would stick around me. This was something new to me, sadly. Something very, very new.

I was actually considering going to his house. He lived pretty much across the street from me, so if anything did go wrong, I'm sure I'd be okay. Right? What could go wrong, anyways.

Many, many things can go wrong, Armin. He can see your scars. Witness you crying. He'll learn how hopeless you are. He'll find out about your... secret.

\---------------------------------------------------

Later that night I ended up at Eren's place. I had met both his mother and his sister before, but I was still awkward as hell, though they seemed okay with it. Eren was also right about how his mom would bake for you. We all got brownies, and they were the greatest brownies I had ever tasted. I thanked her before Eren led me upstairs to his room.

"Excuse the mess... I cleaned up as much as I could, but it's still kind of messy since we aren't done moving in."

"It's fine. I'm not bothered by it." I said politely with a smile.

"So," Eren started. "What would you like to do? We could play video games, if you want."

"I've never actually played video games before.." I said. Geez, I was lame.

"What? How do you go your life without playing at least one? I have tons that I can show you, if you'd like."

I nodded. Eren went through his shelf of games, pulling out one that was titled "Life is Strange."

"This one's pretty fun. I'm sure you'll like it. It's a one player game so I'll show you how to play it and then you can try, okay?"

"Okay."

He pulls over two very large bean bag chair and pulls them in front of a bookshelf which had a medium sized flat screen tv on top with a shelf of different gaming consoles and games below.

"I assume you're the only one here who plays them?" I ask, since everything seemed to be in his room.

"No, Mikasa plays too. Our last house was a lot bigger so everything was in our basement but we don't have a nice finished one in this house and our living room is way smaller so we just have them in here. Mikasa just comes in plays them when she wants." He explains.

Eren starts up the game. He makes a new file and it goes through credits. The art is beautiful and the style is quite amazing, definitely very nice for the first game I've played.

It starts off with a girl who's name I learn is Max. Eren informs me that she is in college and takes classes for photography. The teacher in the game continues going on about the topic the students were studying. Once the class ends the player, Max, goes into the bathroom.

"Okay, this part gets really crazy." Eren warns me.

A small blue butterfly comes through the window and Eren makes the player go and take a picture. Right as she does so, two people burst in. A girl with blue hair and a beanie, and a male. Why is he in the girl’s restroom? I don't know.

He goes on, screaming at her about threatening to sell him out for spreading drugs. The guy pulls out a gun and pins her against a wall.

"Woah." I said.

"Yea. Just wait."

The girl screams to him begging to be let go of and the male shoots. Max reaches her hand out and everything stops and begins to rewind. Suddenly, we're back in the classroom.

"What just happened?" I ask.

"She has powers."

Max seems just as confused as me. We go through the same class again, altering the decisions we made previously.

"Wait, do we go back to the bathroom?"

"I need to go back to the bathroom before he gets there." Max says.

"Okay, nevermind."

Eren chuckles.

Before I know it, we are back in the bathroom. The game goes into autopilot and Max repeats her actions, watching as the butterfly comes in just like last time. She kneels down and takes a picture, that's when the two students walk in. We look around, now being in control of the character once again, and see a hammer underneath a rolling bucket for a mop and a fire alarm. We move over the bucket, grab the hammer, and smash open the alarm and set it off. They walk out, the blue hair girl escaping without a scratch. Once we walk out of the bathroom, we are confronted and asked what we were doing.

Eren and I go on, making it to the third episode. By that time, it's about seven.

"We should probably go eat. My mom had to take Mikasa to karate, but they'll be home soon. I can go grab something if you'd like." Eren offers. I nod in response.

Once he's downstairs, I hear a door open which I assume was his mom and sister. There's yelling from who I imagine is Mikasa, who then stomps upstairs slamming a door. Not long after, Eren arrives with PB&J sandwiches.

"Sorry about that. My sister's just.... Mad. I guess she got a call from our dad on the way home."

"Wait, your dad? I thought you said-"

"I lied." He interrupts. "I didn't really want to explain what had happened. The truth is, he abandoned us after my mom divorced him. He was angry at us, mostly my mom, but he still took it out on us. He left without a trace but he just called today and Mika's pissed. It's been three months since we had last seen him."

"I'm sorry.. I'm sure you miss him after all that time."

"Hell no. I hate his guts. I wish that he really was dead. Cruel, I know, but it's true. He deserves it. He's an absolute asshole."

"Oh, god. I can't imagine what you're going through. I understand what it's like pretty much not having a dad, but for him to be like that..."

"No, it's fine. May I ask, what happened to your dad?"

"Well," I start. "My dad, he, well, he killed himself..."

"Oh, oh my god. I'm so sorry, but that is just selfish."

"I know, but I just could never bring myself to be angry at him. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, well, enough of our dads. Do you want to continue playing?"

I nod my head and Eren resumes the game. We continue playing for another two hours or so. By then, it was a bit past nine. Mikasa entered the room.

"How long has Armin been here?" She asks.

"Since like, four." Eren responds. "I told you he'd be here."

"Yea, well you know I ignore you."

Eren rolls his eyes at Mikasa.

"Wait. Shit he heard me yelling, didn't he? God I'm sorry about that."

"No, it's fine." I say politely.

"Wanna play something else?" Eren asks. I nod. "Okay, let's act like cringey eleven year olds and play MineCraft." He says, handing Mikasa a controller as well.

"I've heard of the game before. Isn't it made up of blocks?"

"Yup. Most of the players are under the age of ten and playing on servers is hell because if you anger them they start threatening you but it's kind of funny too."

"Oh god, that just sounds terrible." I laugh. "What are they going to do? Tell their mommy?"

"Yup, that's exactly how they threaten you. Or they come up with some sort of sob story, or just flat out try and report you on the server website for killing them in a minigame. It's quite entertaining. There's people online who make series of them trolling these poor kids while skyping them. It's so funny."

"Okay, but I have no idea how to play." I say.

"Oh yea, let's make a world and I can show you."

He sets up a world setting it to 'survival' and presses create. A blocky terrain forms around the split screen. I press a button and my player turns to another, scaring me a bit. I hit another button and Eren's character turns red and jumps back.

"Oh, shit, sorry!"

"Hah, it's fine. Please don't kill me."

"Wait, we can kill each other?" I ask with an evil smirk.

"Armin, no."

"Let's do it." Mikasa says from behind us. I may or may not have forgotten she was here.

Her player walks over with what seems to be a sword in hand. Eren begins screaming and his player falls to the ground.

"Guys, help. I'm going in circles."

Eren laughs. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Um, maybe we could go up to the ice cream shop? They're usually open until ten on the weekends."

"I'd have to come. You're not trustworthy. Knowing you, if one of those killer clowns was out there and you saw it you'd run up to it because you're retarded."

Eren puts his hand to his hard and makes a sassy-like face."Wow, um, I'm so offended."

Eren's mom was hesitant on letting us go considering it was dark (it had been for a while now due to winter's approach) but we were allowed. We began walking to the shop. It was pretty cold outside, and I only had a light sweater on. I could have ran into my house and grabbed a jacket but we didn't have much time to get there since we didn't want to be those people who show up somewhere three minutes before closing. Small puffs of air visibly exited our mouths in the cold November air.

"Now, tell me again why we are getting ice cream when it's below fifty degrees?" I ask.

"Uh, because it's delicious, that's why."

I looked at Mikasa, who just shrugs. "Get used to it, I deal with his crap everyday."

Eren glares at her and I let out a small laugh.

"Armin," Mikasa begins. "Do you have any siblings?"

"No," I say. "I wish I did. It gets pretty quiet in my house."

"No. You do not want siblings. They're annoying as hell, especially sisters." Eren says, returning the glare Mikasa had given him moments before.

"Yea, and brothers are pretty terrible as well. Especially when they don't know how to play video games at a low volume when it's almost one a.m."

At one point I was going to have a little sibling. When I was about five or so, my mom had become pregnant, but four months in she had a miscarriage. She had tried several times for another baby but there were too many difficulties caused by her cancer. I was disappointed to say in the least. I was quite excited to be a sister at the time.

It didn't take long until we arrived at the shop. It was about nine-forty. Eren decided on a waffle cone with buckeye ice cream, Mikasa had a regular cone with mint chocolate chip, and I had a sugar cone with salted caramel. I offered to pay for us, but Eren insisted on paying for me. I thanked him and we walked out and headed to a nearby park.

"Armin, how are you not freezing?" Mikasa asks.

"I am, and I am screaming internally."

"I don't think I've ever related to something so deeply before." Eren says. "Maybe ice cream in mid-November wasn't the best idea after all, but eh, it's tasty."

We sit for a little while, eating our ice cream cones. After a while, I realize that I really regret not bringing a heavier coat, or at least wearing layers, because it is cold as hell out here. Eren notices me visibly shivering.

"Do you want my coat? You seem cold. We can head home, but it'll take a little while." Eren offers.

"No, it's fine. Aren't you cold."

"Eren is practically immune to the cold." Mikasa interrupts.

"Yea," Eren says, taking off his jacket. "It's fine, I swear."

I take the coat from his hands, thanking him, and I slide it on. Not long after, it begins to drizzle, so we begin heading home.

"We probably should have brought an umbrella." Mikasa says.

"Well, I didn't know it was supposed to rain."

"Do you want your coat back?" I offer.

"No, it's fine. It's just a bit of rain."

By the time we make it back to Eren's, I'm chilled to the bone, even though it didn't rain too hard, and it barely soaked through his jacket. We opened the front door to his home and were greeted with the warm smell of sweets. There was a fire lit in the living room and his mom was in the kitchen, opening the oven to pull out a tray of cookies.

"I told you she bakes a lot." Eren says.

We say hello to his mother, and I give a small, shy wave.

"Come down in about twenty minutes or so." She instructs us. "They'll be cool by then."

All three of us head upstairs. Mikasa goes to her own room, and Eren and I both enter his. Eren goes to his dresser and opens a drawer to grab a new shirt and some sweatpants.

"You need any clothes? Or do you have some?"

"I'm good." I say.

Eren begins undressing, causing my gay ass to blush, Quickly, I look away though he only took off his shirt.

"You should change too, or you may get a cold."

"Um, okay. I didn't get too wet, though." I say as an excuse not to undress in front of him due to my low self confidence. I take off both coats and quickly change into a pair of sweatpants before Eren could even look at me. Of course I just had to be an idiot and forget that underneath my hoodie was a plain t-shirt. My cuts and scars were in full view. Quickly, I slipped the hoodie back on and zipped it, but Eren had already turned around. He didn't say anything. He just looked at me and smiled.

He didn't see. Thank the lords...

"So, it's about ten-thirty. What do you want to do?" He asks.

"I don't care, it's up to you."

"Well, even though we just had ice cream, we can eat cookies and then we could invite Mikasa to come play some board games, if you'd like."

"Okay, that sounds fine." I say.

We return downstairs where we are given cookies by Eren's mother. Mikasa comes down the stairs seconds after us, and we all end up by the fireplace.

"So," Eren begins. "Do you want to come to my room and play board games with me and Armin?" Eren asks Mikasa.

"Sure." She answers plainly.

Not long after that, we are all in Eren's room. He digs through a box in his closet and pulls out several games such as Uno, Sorry, and Monopoly.

Throughout the night we played the games and it soon grew late, and I have to say I had a blast. It was nice being able to just lose track of time, having fun with friends, and just sitting there in laughter watching as game pieces were thrown between Mikasa and Eren.

Mikasa soon returned to her own room and Eren and I arranged the bean bags for us to sleep on. He soon dozed off, leaving me awake due to my insomnia, but I eventually drifted off as well.

The one thing that will never leave my mind is Eren peacefully resting barely a foot away from me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for slow updates. I'm writing most of these chapters during school and I'm kind of failing Social Studies... last time I checked I had a 50%... yea, thats not good


	4. Chapter 4

I lie on my bed, trying to process all the thoughts going through my head.  
What is going on?  
Confusion. There was so much confusion. What are these feelings? What is happening to me? What do I feel towards him?  
That sleepover changed how I felt completely. It was just a sense of happiness, he's my light at the end of a tunnel. Well, not really light. More of a sunset. Not fully light, but not completely dark. For me, however, there was no such thing as this 'light at the end of a tunnel.' I was stuck in darkness. Forever.  
I can't remember the last time I experienced a crush. Was this what it felt like? Or was this just me being extra clingy towards someone that will eventually leave me behind. Either way, I can never get too attached. One day, he will leave me. He will, trust me. Who would stay with me even after seeing the real me? I'm scary. I'm helpless. I'm hopeless....  
\------------------------------------------  
Ah, Hell. A magical place that most people refer to as 'school.' I envy those who say they actually enjoy school, or even get the smallest bit of joy from this place. However, I fear this place more than Hell itself. I'm almost certain that Satan is nicer than some students here. High school will destroy your will to live in the matter of seconds if you're anything like me.  
My day played out just like the others, just it wasn't as bad. That is until I was careless and allowed all hell to break loose.  
We were sitting at lunch, talking about some nonsense and I didn't pay attention to the position of my sleeve...  
\------------------------------------------  
"Armin?" Eren said, nudging me slightly. "What's under your sleeve." He said, directing his gaze to my wrist, where my sleeve was pulled down ever so slightly.  
"It's nothing, just a scratch."   
"Are you sure? It looks like more than just a scratch. What happened?"  
"Nothing," I say as I grip my sleeve tighter while hiding it beneath the table. The others seemed to not notice our hushed conversation. "It's just a cat scratch, that is all."  
"You have a cat?"  
I pause. "Yes."  
Liar. The only fucking pussy here is you.  
Suddenly, I became interested in the small amount of food on my nearly untouched plate, hoping that my distraction would show Eren that I was done with this conversation. I continued to pick at it hoping that he would just drop it.  
He looked at me, worried, knowing full well that those scratches were not created by a cat. Or he may not know, but either way, he was suspicious.   
"I don't remember you ever saying anything about having a cat." He says after a while.  
"Oh my god, can we just stop talking about the scratches." I say with a hint of annoyance.  
"What's going on?" Mikasa chimes in.  
I put my head in my hands and grumble "oh my god."  
"Nothing, really. I was just concerned because I saw a couple scratches on Armin's wrist but he said it was just a cat."  
"Oh really? May I see them?" She asks.  
God damnit. They're going to find out.  
"N-no, I'm fine. It's just a scratch. How come you're so concerned?"  
"Well, it just looked like... Something else." Eren says.  
Oh my god, just stop. Please, just stop it. Why are you guys doing this to me?  
"No, really Armin. If there's something wrong, you can tell us. We're your friends, right?"  
"Yea, o-of course, but it's nothing, really. Can we please just drop it?"  
"What are you guys talking about?" Jean asks.  
"Nothing, it's fine." I tell him.  
"Are you sure? Eren, what's going on?"  
"Please, just stop." I beg.  
"Well, I saw a-"  
"Eren, just stop it! It's nothing!" I say, raising my voice slightly.  
"Well if it's nothing why are you getting so worked up over it?" He says, raising his voice also.  
By now, a couple of Eren's friends are looking at us wondering what's going on.  
"Can't you just leave me alone!?" I scream.  
Everyone goes quiet, and I begin tearing up. I walk off quickly.  
"Armin, wait," He says, getting up from his seat. I walk faster. By now, tears are running down my face. I exit the lunchroom, hoping Eren would not follow.  
He can't see this side of me. He can't.  
I eventually stop walking and lean against a wall in one of the empty, unused hallways of the school. Footsteps approach, and I know for a fact that it's Eren.  
"Armin,"  
"No, I don't want to talk." I say, my voice clearly shaking.  
"Too bad, we're going to."  
He slides down next to me and scoots as close as he can get.  
"I'm sorry, I... That was such a shitty thing for me to do. I don't even know why I thought it was a good idea." He says, looking as if he was about to cry also.  
My sleeve had pulled down, showing the unholy amount of cuts of all age and sizes lining my arm. I didn't even care.  
He looks over at me and swiftly grabs my arm.  
"Why? Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you destroy yourself like that?" Directing his gaze towards my cuts.  
"You don't understand what I go through. You have no idea what it is like. I've tried stopping so many times over the last years. It's impossible. I've been so good at hiding it and now I screwed up and everyone knows."  
Every word I said was forced out with a sob. I was a mess, and Eren was seeing all of it. He was only seeing a fraction of my helplessness.  
"You screwed up? Armin, I was the one that couldn't keep their fucking mouth shut. If anything, this is my fault."  
"You're not the one who did this to me."  
"God, I'm so fucking sorry." He says, putting his hand in his hair and gripping it slightly. I notice a small tear slip out of his eye.  
Why are you crying?   
Except for the occasional sniff from me, the hallway remains silent. Eren stays seated next to me, but doesn't say a word.  
"We should get to class." I say, breaking the short silence. I begin to get up, but Eren grabs my arm and doesn't let me go further.  
"No, let's just stay here."  
"But we're going to be la-"  
"I don't care," he interrupts. "We're both a mess, at the moment. It's just one class. Plus, you said you have perfect attendance. One little slip won't make a big difference."  
"Yea, but what about you? You'll get in trouble for skipping, I'm sure of it. And there's no guarantee that I'll be fine as well."  
"We can just tell them you weren't feeling well." He says.  
"But that's lying.."  
"Is it? How are you feeling right now?" He asks.  
"Okay, fine. I'll stay. You better not tell anyone about this, okay?" I say, my voice still wavering.   
"I won't tell anyone. I already fucked everything up. Don't need to a second time."  
I don't say anything in response. Sure, he did screw up, and I didn't want to agree and make him feel worse, but I didn't want to lie. He'd know if I was lying. It was best for me to keep my mouth shut.  
"Armin? Can you promise me something?"  
"It depends.."  
"Please, please don't do that to yourself anymore.."  
I pause for a moment. "I can't promise you anything.. I'm sorry.."  
He looks down sadly, and nods. I should not have said that. He begins to stand up, but before I can ask what's he's doing, he leans over and wraps his arms around me. Tightly. I tense up, but relax. His embrace was quite nice. Everything was quiet. I could hear Eren's heart beating, and he kept his arms tightly wrapped around my small body.  
“Please,” He says, still hugging me. “Next time you’re about to do this, please call me. Text me. Talk to me in any way to distract yourself. I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and talk to you.”  
“It’s not as easy as you think. I can’t exactly just text you saying ‘Hey yea I’m about to slit open my wrists.’” I say in a sarcastic, yet serious tone.  
“Well, you don’t necessarily have to tell me. You can just text me. I’d never mind.” He says.  
“Thank you. That… That means so much to me.”  
“Well, it’s the least I could do for a friend.”  
Our bodies were pressed against each other, his arms were around me, and I managed to free mine and put them close to his waist. The scent of him on his hoodie was so… so calming. I never wanted to let go.  
God damnit. I'm so gay for him…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smol gay chapter
> 
> ill most likely update again before new years <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute lil' fluffy chapter :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm listening to Fix You by Coldplay and trying not to cry. If I had to name a song that describes this fanfic perfectly, it would be that song. I can just imagine Eren singing it to Armin... God, I'm probably going to use that in a later chapter c: so gay.
> 
> Also, I recommend listening to Little Game by Benny. It's amazing 
> 
> https://youtu.be/WNr3x1kVVEc

anx·ious

ˈaNG(k)SHəs/

adjective

experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Everyday I felt more and more anxious. Yes, I, Armin Arlert have a crush on Eren Jaeger. An amazing boys with messy brown hair, tan skin, and the most beautiful eyes ever. The boy who made me feel genuinely happy for the first time in forever.

How do I tell him? When do I tell him? Do I tell him? Would he think I'm weird? Would he hate me? How would he react to me telling him about my feelings..?

I don't even know his opinions on Lgbt+ people. His views can't be that bad. I mean, Hanji is non binary. He doesn't seem to mind that. And his reaction to Jean calling me gay wasn't bad. He was upset, but that was only because he was making false accusations. Well, to him they were false.

And isn't Levi technically in a gay relationship? Hanji can be considered any gender, so I guess it's up to you? Eren's views can't be that bad, if bad at all.

But what benefits do I get from confessing? I don't know what Eren's sexuality. He can be gay for all I know. It's worth a shot I guess...

\-----------------------------------------------------

We were sat at the lunch table (because, you know, everything takes place at the fucking lunch table.) I had requested that Eren would walk to class with me the long way, and explained that I wanted to talk to him. He seemed worried, but I told him it wasn't really serious... It depends how he takes it.

I wanted him to know.

Everyone stood from their seats with any trash they may have and went to the garbage cans to dump it off before grabbing binders, textbooks, notebooks, etc next period.

Eren walked beside me.

"So, what did you want to talk about? Is everything okay?" He asked worriedly.

"Yea," I say. "Everything is fine."

I look down at my hand. It's trembling slightly; a clear sign of my distress. My anxiety was through the roof at them moment, and I'm trying my best to ignore that.

"Are you sure? You seem.. Scared."

"Well, I am, but I'm okay, I swear. It's just, ugh, how do I say this?"

Eren looked at me with a still worried expression, but gave me a small smile How do I tell him this?

"Armin, just say what you need to say. I'll listen, okay? It's fine, you can trust me."

"I... I like you, Eren." I said quietly.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you. It's loud here from everyone switching periods."

"I like you, Eren." I repeat, this time louder.

"Well, I do too. I mean, we're fr-"

"No, Eren. You don't get it." I interrupt. "I.. I really like you. Like, as in more than a friend." I say, regretting every word that left my mouth.

Eren said nothing. He stood there, wide eyed, his mouth opened slightly as if he was trying to say something, but nothing was coming out.

"I'm sorry, I'll just... I'll just go now."

I walk off into the direction of our classroom, completely forgetting that Eren and I are in the same class.

"Armin, wait."

I continue forward, wondering why I must always do this.

I screw up, and I walk away and leave the person I hurt alone.

\-------------------------------------

Throughout the rest of the day, Eren doesn't speak to me. Not once. I really fucked up, didn't I?

I knew immediately what would happen when I got home. The urges are back, and stronger then ever, and it wasn't a problem since my grandfather has left yesterday, giving me a week to myself.

The seconds I arrived home I dropped my backpack and coat on the ground next to the door and ran upstairs, tears streaming down my face.

My only friend. One of my only friends hates me now. It's not like i can talk to the other. They're friends with him as well. I'm sure they know about this. This was all my fault.... I screwed everything up because I was being a stupid f*ggot and had to tell, someone I was gay for them.

I had to find something else. The sharp end of a bottle tab was not enough this time. Scratches wouldn't be satisfactory at this point. I dug through my pencil pouch until I came across a pencil sharpener.

Perfect.

I dug is into my wrist, not caring how deep they were. It hurt, it hurt so bad but felt so good at the same time. I didn't care. Well, that was until I sat down and watches as my blood spilt out of the uneven gashes torn across my wrists. Then, I realized how bad it was. What now?

I decided to wrap my wrist in some gauze that I found under the bathroom vanity, hoping that it would stop the bleeding. After ten minutes or so, it didn't. It barely helped. That's when the panic kicked in.

I'm going to fucking bleed out.

Okay, maybe that''s a overreaction, but still. It was bad. I could pass out. Maybe give myself a concussion if I do. Who should I call, though? I can't call my grandfather. He's hours away and won't be back for another week. The last thing I need to do is scare the shit out of him when he can't even do anything.

I have no other choice but to call Eren. What would I say? What would he say? What would his reaction to me doing this as a result of his rejection be?

I sat there for a moment debating on whether or not I'd actually call him. Suddenly, I became lightheaded and could feel a headache coming on. It was harder for me to move; I felt much weaker.

I scrambled to grab my phone with the arm that was not uncontrollably bleeding and went to Eren's contact.

At first, I hesitated to call, but I did. He soon picked up.

"Armin?"

"H-hi," I say nervously.

"I'm sorry about earlier today.."

"It's fine, I just.. I need you to come here. Please."

"Is everything okay?"

"No, not really. Please, hurry. My front door is unlocked. I'm upstairs." I say, my voice wavering.

"Okay, see you in a second." He says before hanging up.

He arrived no longer than two minutes later, calling for me. I yelled from the bathroom and he came upstairs.

"Armin, what's wro-" He began, but paused once he saw the state I was in. His eyes widened and his hand flew to his mouth. He let out a quiet "oh my god."

"Please help me." I whimpered.

The gauze wrapped around my wrist was now failing to keep blood from seeping through. It was now going down my arm and dripping off my elbow. I fucked up big time.

"I'm sorry."

"No, no Armin. Don't be sorry. It's not... God what do I do?"

He knelt down beside me and took a look at my arm. He removed the gauze and replaces it, wrapping it tightly.

"I'll call my mother. She's a nurse and will know what to do."

"No, please.. She'll tell my grandfather. Please don't." I beg. More tears began rolling down my face.

"Armin, this is bad. You need help. We may even have to bring you to the hospital."

He leaned over and hugged me tightly, giving me a sense of comfort. I didn't want to let go, but I was beginning to feel nauseous.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"Light headed.. Dizzy.. Nauseous.."

He wraps his arms around me once again and lifts me up.

"What are you doing?" I ask, almost whispering.

"I'm bringing you to bed. We're going to have to call my mom, though."

I remain silent. What would her reaction be? I know some mothers don't allow their children to hang out with people like me because they may influence them.. Or maybe she'll think I'm mental and make my grandfather put me in a hospital.

Eren places me gently onto my bed, giving me a small smile. I want him. I want him to hold me when I'm upset, to kiss me... Of course I just had to screw up everything and find out he doesn't feel the same the hard easy. What was I even expecting in the first place?

"Armin?" Eren says, distracting me from my thoughts. I look go at him. "Did you do this because of me?"

I look at him, wide eyed. How do I answer? I did do this because of him, but I would never blame him for not feeling the same. This was my doing. My fault. Not his.

"W-well... I wouldn't necessarily say that.."

"God damn it, it's my fault, isn't it?" He says angrily. Not at me, at himself.

"No, no. It's not your fault at all.. I did this."

"Is it because I didn't talk to you?"

I remained silent.

"I wasn't ignoring you, Armin. I was just given you space." He explains. "I'd never be mad at you for something like this. You were upset, and I didn't want to bother you."

"Eren, I would have done this either way, I'm sure. Maybe not this bad, but I still would have harmed myself.. I'm stupid like that."

Why did I say that?

"You're not stupid, Armin. Hell, you're like the smartest person I know."

"Sure, maybe I'm smart when it comes to school, but in general? No, I'm an idiot that destroys their own body. I can stop this, but I don't. I'm in control, but I don't take control. I'm stupid.. helpless.. I jump to conclusions and take things too seriously."

"I... Never mind that, I need to call my mom before this gets worse."

Eren grabs his phone from his pocket and exits the room. I don't hear much of what he is saying to his mother. Only fragments. "Can you come here?" "Please" "We need help" "Something happened" "He's hurt" ".. Help."

He entered the room, letting me know that his mom would be here in a second.

"What have I done." I say in a near-whisper.

"Armin, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes I did! Stop saying it's not my fault, because it is and nothing can change that! I could have prevented this but I didn't!"

"Armin-"

"Just stop it! Just... stop it.. I'm so sick of people looking down on me. I'm sick of people nothing me and telling me that something isn't my fault to try making me happy. I want to be able to accept that something is my fault. Just please... Stop." I beg.

At this point, I am uncontrollably sobbing. I can't take this. It's too much. Eren hugs me once again. His embrace just gives me a sense of comfort. I never went him to let go, but he had to eventually because his mom had arrived.

"Eren?" She calls from downstairs.

"I'll be right back." He tells me, leaving the room to go bring his mother upstairs.

He and his mother enter the room, and hi mother immediately asks "What happened?" and "What did you hurt?"

How was I supposed to answer that? I was afraid because I thought that Eren had already told her. Is there an easy way to say "I cut my wrists?"

"U-um," I stutter. It was easy to tell that I was shaking. A lot.

Eren whispers something took his mother before she gives me a pitiful look.

"Now, honey. May I see your wrist? I need to see how serious this is."

I hesitate, not wanting to show how weak I really am. My self pity, my depression, my loneliness. The proof is all there on my wrist. The proof that I'm broken, unable to be fixed. Mrs. Jaeger remains patient, knowing that this situation is already hard enough for me. I bury my face in my comforter and hold out the injured wrist towards her. She unwraps the already bloody bandages and takes a look at my cuts.

"They're deep, but I doubt we'd need to go to the emergency room for these... We'll have to make sure they're properly cares for so they do not become infected." She informs me. I nod in response.

"How do you feel?" She asks.

"Lightheaded, still. A bit dizzy..."

"Well, why don't you rest. I'll grab more bandages and call your parents. Eren will wake you in an hour or so just to make sure you're doing okay. Alright?"

I nod once again, not mentioning anything about not having parents. Eren would tell her that. He's still in the room, just silently standing in the background giving me reassuring smiles whenever our eyes meet. His mother is very nice. She reminds me of my own mother. Very kind, gentle, caring... I miss her so much.

Eren grabs the roll of bandages from the small bathroom connected to my bedroom. Mrs. Jaeger finished wrapping them tightly, but not too tightly, around my wrist and tells me once again that I should get some rest. She leaves the room. Now it's just me and Eren.

"We'll stay here." He states. "I'll come wake you in an hour or so, okay?"

I nod in response, and he leaves the room.

\------------------------------------------------------

Armin.... Armin.... Armin, you okay?

I let out a quiet groan, not completely sure of what's going on.

Armin, c'mon...

"What?" I say, not fully awake.

"I'm just making sure you're doing fine." Eren says.

I open my eyes and look at him. The room has gotten darker. Way darker. Damn daylight savings.

"What time is it?"

"It's only five. Why?" He asks.

"I was just wondering.."

The room falls silent. Nothing is said, but after a minute or so Eren hugs me for what I'm guessing is the millionth time today. I'm not complaining, it was just kind of.. sudden, this time.

He sits back up and looks at me, but breaks eye contact and goes back to staring at the floor.

"So..." he begins. "My mom called your grandfather and explained what was happening. He said that he isn't able to come back earlier, but he wants you to stay with us for the next week. Just until he comes back."

I sigh and respond with a quiet 'okay.'

"I'm sorry, I know you didn't want us to call him but.. this was bad. My mom even said she was debating on whether or not she should bring you to the hospital. He needed to know, but you'll get to stay with me, okay? Everything will be fine, I promise you."

"I just don't want him to feel like this is his fault." I say, my voice breaking slightly in the middle of the sentence.

"Don't worry, he'll believe you. He said to make sure you know that he isn't mad or anything. He's only worried, alright? I can't imagine anyone ever being mad at someone for something like this. I mean, I'd never be able to bring myself to be mad at you for this. It's not your fault. It's.. It's actually kind of mine, really."

"No it is not. Who decided to wallow in their own self pity and hurt themselves? I did. Who was just being honest with how they felt? You were. I just... It's clear that I cannot take the truth. This is how I am, and I honestly don't know why you bother sticking with me. I'm a pain in the ass. I'm weak. I'm just a terrible person in general."

"Hey, I don't think that about you."

"Why? It's the truth, Eren! Why would you want add such a burden to your life? If you weren't my friend, you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't have to deal with this. You're only making your life harder."

"Armin, even if this is something I don't want to happen, I'm not just going to remove you from my life to avoid it. Just because I'm not witnessing it, it doesn't mean it isn't happening. Pushing you away like that would only be harder. I'd worry about you constantly, Armin. I care about you, I really do. That's why I stay with you. That's why I always try to help. I just want to make you happy. "

Just as I was thinking about how this all sounded like he was confessing his love for me, he did something I'd never expect after today's events.

He kissed me. 

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I go back to school tomorrow and I usually don't write during break. I'll get back to writing tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept using the work 'hecking' in place of the f word since I'm in school and I'm a bit paranoid that someone is going to look over my back and yea, you get it.
> 
> Plus, it sounds funnier.


	6. Chapter 6

Quite honestly, I was not expecting that to happen. I mean, how likely is it for your crush to kiss you only hours after they told you they don't have feelings for you? Not likely. Just to make it clear, it wasn't on the lips. There was no making out or that gross "I'm gonna shove my tongue in your mouth" shit. It was just a simple kiss on the forehead, but it definitely wasn't him just being friendly. The way he looked at me. It was so... well, gay. However, before I could say anything in response, I saw his mother standing in the doorway. She saw everything.

I wasn't sure what her reaction would be. She didn't seem upset, but at the same time she didn't seem like she was okay with what she had seen.

"Eren," she said sternly.

He froze and knew that he was in some deep shit. He quickly turned his head towards her and she gestured him to come over to her.

"Come over here."

She pulled him out in the hallway. I wasn't sure what she was saying to him, but it could not be good considering how afraid he seemed. A couple minutes later he returned to his room, his mother wasn't in sight.

"I'm sorry about that.." he says. It seemed like he was about to cry. What did she say to him?

"Eren, it's fine." I say, worried for him.

"Just... just forget about it, okay?"

"What did she say to you?"

"She told me she saw everything and that I was being rude or some shit like that. It doesn't matter, okay?"

"Okay.."

The room falls silent once again. You can practically feel the tension between us right now. I want to hug him, kiss him, make him feel better. Right now, however, is not the right time. There may never be a right time. What kind of feelings does he have towards me? He told me he didn't feel the same way, but he kissed me in a way that was more than just being friendly.

"You should get stuff together. I think my mom's ordering pizza so we should head over to my house."

I nod, and begin to get up. Once I am on my feet, I stumble a bit, but regain balance.

"You okay?" Eren asks.

"Yea, I'm fine. I'm still a bit dizzy but it'll be okay." I say.

I grab a small backpack that was stored beneath my bed and toss some clothes into it along with a couple books, my journal, and a small pack of colored pencils.

"You draw?"

"Yea," I respond. "Have you ever seen my notes at school? They're always covered in little doodles."

"I've noticed that. Can I see some of your drawings?"

"Well.. I'd prefer not to show you. Drawing for me is like writing in a diary for others. My drawings certainly aren't the happiest."

"Oh, okay. I understand."

I put on a sweater and slide on a pair of shoes and tell Eren that I am ready.

"Before we leave, can you do something for me?" Eren asks.

"Um, sure?"

"Give me your blades."

I freeze for a moment. There's no way for me to get out of this, is there?

"Please, Armin. I want to help you."

I let out a sharp sigh and walk into my bathroom and climb on top the of counter and grab the shard of glass and a paper clip. I was never one to go straight to razors when it came to self harm. Just anything sharp that could scratch me. Anything that could be easily draw across my skin and create marks.

Next, I go to my dresser. On the top drawer, there is a small box with several razors, sharp and dull. They weren't used often, but I was determined to get myself to quit harming myself, no matter how hard it is. For Eren.

"What are you going to do with them?" I ask

"Throw them out. I'll do that at my house, though. I just don't want you to be able to get them back. I know it sounds rude, but it's for the best."

"I... I understand. I doubt I'd be able to control myself if they were still here. I want to quit, it's just... hard. I've tried before."

"And I'll help you. I'll do whatever I can to keep you clean, okay?"

"Okay.. Thank you so much. No one has ever cared this much about me."

"Well, now you have multiple people who care about you. Even if they don't know as much as I do, we all care."

I couldn't help but to smile. I wanted to cry just like when he first called me his friend. It took everything I had not to start sobbing like a baby.

Eren and I head downstairs, where his mom is on the phone. I assume she's ordering the pizza Eren had mentioned. The thought of eating makes me feel sick, but I'm sure Eren will make me eat. He's noticed how little I've eaten the last few weeks and has grown concerned.

Eren lets his mom know that I have my stuff together once she is off the phone, while I grab my backpack and keys, which were tossed beside the front door from earlier today.

After leaving the house, I locked the door and we began walking to Eren's. It only took a minute or so since he was pretty much across the street from me. Once we entered the house, Mikasa greeted us, giving me a small smile and wave. I assume she knows what happened, or at least part of it. Eren's mom lets him know that pizza will arrive in forty-five minutes or so, and then we head upstairs.

"Um, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but where am I sleeping?" I ask.

"My bed."

"What about you? Where are you sleeping?"

"The floor." He answers.

"What? No. I'm not kicking you out of your bed."

"Too bad. You're sleeping on the bed. I'll sleep on top of the bean bag chairs."

"Eren," I say. "This is your room. I'm not making you sleep on the floor."

"Yea, but you're injured."

"And that's my fault."

"Whatever, we'll figure this out tonight."

"I'm sleeping on the ground."

"I swear to god I will break your neck, Armin."

I giggle. "Yea, sure."

"Fite me irl mate."

"Ma'am, this is real life. Not instagram DMs."

"Did you just assume my fucking gender?"

By now I'm laughing hysterically.

"So," Eren began. "What should we do now? Want to play some games?"

"I'd love to play video games with you, Eren, but I need to do my homework. God, I sound like such a buzzkill don't I?"

"You do realize you're not going to school tomorrow, right?"

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"Armin, you almost ended up in the hospital. Do you really think we'd make you go to school after what happened today?"

"What about you?" I ask.

"I'm staying too. My mom and I went over this while you were sleeping. Mikasa said she'd go, though. You're not going tomorrow, that's for sure, but you have a choice after that. You can take your time."

"Well, I never want to go back, but I know that is not a choice. You don't have to miss school because of me."

"Yea, but I want to be there for you. I can't imagine what you're going through to be easy, and I want to help you, so I'm staying with you, okay?"

"Thanks.."

"So, you want to play games? Or just chill. Either is fine. We still have like thirty minutes before food comes." Eren offers.

"We can play something if you'd like."

Eren and I end up playing Super Smash Bros, mostly because I kind of know how to play it. Back when I was in sixth grade we did some sort of fundraiser and if you sold a specific amount of magazines or some crap like that you could get prizes. I didn't really do the thing for prizes, but one of them was a choice to go to a video game truck during recess and that was one of the games there that I played with another kid that was pretty friendly towards me. Sadly, he moved later that year.

Of course, this all happened three years ago so I'm sure I'll suck at this game no matter what, but it's worth a shot. And just as I expected, Eren kicked my ass. Many, many times.

"Jesus Crust, that's not fair! You probably play that game religiously or some shit like that."

"Did you just say 'Jesus Crust?'" Eren said, laughing.

"Are you questioning my life choices?"

"No, sir."

Ms. Jaeger yells from downstairs that the food had arrived, and Eren goes to grab plates for us to bring up.

"You don't have to," I say. "I'm not that hungry."

"I still want you to eat. I know you haven't been," He responds. I don't say anything in return because I know he's not going to change his mind. He brings up two plates, mine being a smaller amount which I appreciate.

"Armin, you need to eat something. It doesn't have to be much. I just don't want anything to happen to you." He begs.

"Okay.. I'm not anorexic or anything, I just, well, don't eat sometimes."

"Yea, but doing that could lead to health problems. I've seen girls in our schools who do things like that as 'trends' or whatever."

The mention of him only seeing girls bothered me. It only proved that eating disorders were seen as "a girl thing." The thought of that stung because it only reminds me of the fact that I'll always be feminine. I'll always been seen by others as a girl.

"You okay?" Eren asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, it's fine. You were just worried."

We sat in silence for a bit. I managed to eat some of the food on my plate. When I had said I wasn't hungry, I wasn't lying. It wasn't necessarily an excuse not to eat for once, but I knew that I had to. Especially after my injuries.

It was about six-thirty now. Mikasa had mentioned earlier that she would come hang out with us after finishing her homework. I felt guilty that she still had to go to school, but she told me that it was okay and it was her choice.

She eventually finished and arrived at Eren's room. We ended playing board games like we had when I slept over last weekend, but she eventually had to leave to take a shower so she could go to bed. Eren and I decided to go to bed as well. I went into the bathroom that was shared between Eren and Mikasa's room in order to change. When I entered Eren's room again he wasn't there. Me, being the little shit I am, put my pillow and blanket on the the bean bag chairs so that Eren would have no choice to sleep in his bed. I told him I was stubborn. Eren came into his room and saw me.

"You win this time you hecking coconut." He said with a sigh.

"Hecking?" I ask.

"Hecking."

He shut off the lights and sat in his bed scrolling through different social media accounts, while I just lied there and stared at the moon which was visible through the window. Eventually I fell asleep.

Eren

It didn't take long before Armin fell asleep. I continued scrolling through Tumblr, and before I knew it, it was nearly midnight. I shut off my phone and plugged it into the nightstand beside me and looked at Armin. The moon was shining through the window and landed perfectly on him, as if it were a spotlight. His face looked peaceful and innocent. If it wasn't for what happened earlier today, I'd go over and kiss him.

I honestly didn't know why my mom did that. She has never been the kind of person to judge others for things such as sexuality, but I guess she was the kind of person who was okay with it as long as it wasn't her own family.

I started at him for a bit. Sure, that probably sounds kind of creepy but I can't help it. He's just too damn cute.

I got up and went over to him and picked him up as you'd describe as 'bridal style' and carried him over to my bed. That little shit was asking for it. I placed him onto my bed and tucked him in. He moved a bit, and his eyes fluttered open.

"What are you doing?" he asked sleepily.

"Shh, just sleep."

"Eren."

"Hmm?"

"Why did you move me?"

"I wanted you to be more comfortable."

He remained silent. I went over to the pile of bean bag chair where he was sleeping before.

"Eren wait."

"What?"

"Come here."

I did as he asked.

"What do you want?"

"Sleep here."

"Nope."

"No, with me."

I was not sure how to answer that. He's probably not even fully awake, so what does it matter?

"Okay."

I climbed into bed and lied beside him. He scooted closer and curled up into me Dear hecking Jesus I want to squeal like a Japanese schoolgirl.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in closer.

We stayed like that all night.


	7. Chapter 7

Waking up next to Eren certainly was a surprise to me. I had no idea why he was there. All I remembered was him carrying me here, nothing about him sleeping with me. After a little while, when I was fully conscious, the memories started coming back. Originally, I thought that it was just a dream, but no, it was reality. It just felt like a dream.

Why are you doing this? You told me you didn't feel that way not even twenty four hours ago.

Since he was still asleep, I laid there playing with his hair. It was so soft and fluff, and it smelled really nice. Cheesy, I know, but it's true. Eren Jaeger has nice smelling hair.

The whole time I was kind of just silently praying that he wouldn't wake up, or that he was awake. I swear to god, if you're awake I'm going to scream. However, at one point he did pull me in closer, which was pretty much my breaking point. God damn it my gay ass can't take this.

Eventually, Eren did wake up. He kind of just lied there, still partially asleep, but he was awake. I was a bit worried that he wouldn't remember falling asleep next to me, so it was a bit awkward. I was most worried about him being mad, because for all I know he could have done that when he was barely awake as well. He did wake up fully after a minute or two.

"Good morning, Armin."

"Good morning," I responded, scooting away from him a bit in attempt to make this less awkward.

"No, stay." he whined, grabbing my arm lightly.

"Okay."

He pulled me closer.

"What time is it?" I asked.

He reached over me and grabbed his phone, turning it on to check the time.

"Nine-thirty. Why?"

"Just wondering.."

The room fell silent for a bit. The only sounds I could hear was Eren's heartbeat, along with my own.

"Did I say anything weird last night?" I ask.

"No. Did I? Or were you just wondering?"

"No, you didn't say anything. I just can't really remember anything or tell what was a dream and what wasn't."

"Are you okay? You seem... Uncomfortable. Is it because of me?" He questions.

"No, no! It isn't. If anything, I'm more worried about you being the one uncomfortable."

"Okay, I'm just making sure. I don't want to do anything that you're not okay with."

Eren removed his arms from around me and sat up.

"You want breakfast?" He says, clearly trying to change the topic.

"Sure."

I get up as well and we both head downstairs, still in pajamas. No one is home at the moment. Mikasa is at school, and Eren informed me that his mother is running errands. Eren pulls out two bowls and some cereal and pours himself a bowl. I do the same.

"You're not mad at me, right?" he asks as he grabs the milk from the fridge.

"Why would I be?"

"You just seemed unhappy about... you know, um. Us being.."

"I know what you mean, and as I said before, I was more worried about you being mad."

I hated this confusion. Yesterday he told me he didn't feel the same towards me, and from that I got the message that he was straight. But then, he kisses me and falls asleep cuddling with me? Why can't things be simple. Or is his just doing this to make me feel better? Is he just doing this because he pities me to such a degree he acts like he's gay just to make me happy? It would not be a surprise if he told me he was straight, and said 'yea I felt bad so I was acting gay, sorry.' I'm a sad excuse for a human that isn't treated like one, and everyone knows damn well that it is true. Some ignore me, others torture the living hell out of me, and very few make an attempt to make me happy by lying only to leave me behind as much worse of a mess. I'm sick of it.

Eren looks over at the window where little white flurries were floating down to the ground. He ran over to the window to get a better look.

"It's snowing!"

"You seem a bit excited there. Have you not seen snow before?" I say sarcastically.

"Yes, I've seen snow before. I just love the Winter. This is like the first time it has actually snowed."

"You sound like the type of person that would run an aesthetics blog on Tumblr."

"I may or may not have posted many aesthetic Winter things on my Tumblr, my friend."

"Oh god, I need to see this. What's your Tumblr?"

"Not telling. It fits the perfect gay male stereotype and very few people from our school are unblocked."

"Wait, you're gay?" I ask, hoping that he means what he says.

"No," He pauses. "I'm straight. I'm only saying that it would fit the stereotype, that is all."

"Oh.. Okay then."

Fuck. There goes the microscopic bits of my will to live. Could have sworn that it was non-existent by now, but apparently that wasn't the end of god's little game called "Hey let's torture Armin to the point on insanity."

"Why are you asking?"

"I was just... Wondering. That's all."

Bitch you knew why I wanted to know. Quit suddenly acting like yesterday didn't happen. I felt like crying or running away and hiding. It angered me how he was passing off my feelings as nothing, and then proceeding to act... Gay?

"Armin, are you okay? I'm sorry if I said something that bothered you."

"No, just... Just leave me alone for now, okay?!" I snap.

"Really, Armin. What did I do? Please, I'm sorry."

"Please, just stop giving mixed signals. I'm confused enough by everything."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Stop acting like you're into me! That's what I don't get! You keep doing that and then you tell me you're not gay!"

He seemed surprised at my response, but hurt. I really should not have said that. Eren looked like he was about to cry. Way to go Armin...

"Oh... Oh my god I'm so sorry. I thought it was making you feel better, I had no idea. I really didn't."

"So... It was too good to be true, now was it?" I murmured.

"W-What..?"

"Don't you even start, Eren! You know exactly what I mean! Stop acting like I never admitted that I liked you!" I yelled at Eren.

I lifted my head and looked at him. Tears were streaming down my face, and he was wearing a hurt expression.

"God.. I'm such a shitty person. Armin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"J-just leave me alone for now, please.."

I pulled my knees up to my chest, he leaned over and hugged me.

"I'll be in my room. Will you come up there later? Please?"

I nodded, and he went upstairs. A couple minutes later I received a text.

Mikasa: Hey, I'm in studyhall atm. Eren just texted me. U okay?

I didn't respond. She messaged me again.

Mikasa: You gonna respond?

Me: I'm fine.

Mikasa: r u sure? from what eren told me, I doubt that's true. what happened?

Me: Just, I'm kinda pissed at myself right now. Not him. It's fine

Mikasa: At yourself? Why?

Me: I flipped out over something that doesn't matter. Don't worry about it

Mikasa: Okay... Txt me if u need to. I'll msg you back even if im in class

Me: Okay

I remained on the couch for a bit longer just thinking. Twenty minutes or so had passed since Eren went upstairs so I decided that I should go up there so he wouldn't be worried. Not only that, but I started getting urges to harm myself and I definitely did not want to do that. Right now was not the good time. Well, no time is a good time but... you know what I mean.

I pushed open the door and saw Eren laying on his bed. He looked over at me and got up. He walked over, wrapping me in a tight hug before I could even shut the door behind me.

"I'm sorry," he said pulling away from me. "i'm sure we both needed that."

I nodded in response.

"So... You talked to Mikasa?"

"Sorry, I thought I should talk to her about it. I wasn't sure what to do, or if I should have talked to you."

"She knows I'm gay now, doesn't she?"

"No, I left that out. I wasn't going to say anything. I only told her that I pissed you off and didn't know what to do."

"Okay."

"I hope you don't hate me." Eren said after a moment.

"I would never hate you. Friends get into fights sometimes. We know how to make up and move on. Other people hold grudges and then it turns into a bitchfest."

"Yea... I hope it never turns into that either."

We go over to Eren's bed and sit down, where he hugs me once more.

"Please, if I am ever doing something that's annoying, or just bothering you, please tell me. I don't want to make you upset."

"Okay."

"Really, please do. Flat out tell me I'm being obnoxious. I don't care, I want to make sure you're not unhappy."

The room fell silent and Eren and I returned to our phones. As we sat there, I had realized that I was due for a shower, so I asked Eren if I could use his. He, of course, said yes, and went over to the closet outside his room to grab a towel. As I was going through my bag to get clothing that was not PJs, I pricked my finger on something. It was enough for blood to come out just a bit, but not much. I saw the small glimpse of light and knew immediately what it was.

A blade.

I had no why it was there, or how it got there. It was just, well, there. Those urges from earlier, they were coming back and I was considering giving in. I quickly grabbed the blade and my clothes after making sure Eren's attention wasn't turned towards me and entered the bathroom. My other wrist was still wrapped up from yesterday, but my other one was healed over. The little white lines were there. It was healed. Instead of going straight to slitting my wrists, I was hoping to stop the urges by distracting myself. I slowly undressed hoping that with each passing second the urges would go away, but they wouldn't. I dropped my shirt onto the floor and looked into the mirror.

Ugly. I was so ugly. Instead of a normal flat chest, like a normal boy, there was a white tanktop-like piece of clothing. A binder. Because I'm not a boy, I'm a girl. I'll always be that. I'm nothing I want to be. I'm stuck in this god awful body and it's only a nightmare that won't end. I'm a girl, and Eren doesn't know that. He doesn't know that this is one of the main reasons I hate myself. I'm a girl. Nothing will change that. Not a binder, not boys clothing, not a name change. I'm a girl. An ugly, unwanted girl.

I picked up the blade and lightly pressed it to my skin.

I wasn't sure why I was doing this. Well, I thought I was going to, but that was until my stupid ass dropped the blade onto the tile floor. It make a loud noise, which I knew Eren heard. Footsteps neared the door.

"Armin? What are you doing?" He asked.

"Y-Yes!" I stuttered. "Everything's fine!"

"Okay. What was that noise?"

"It was nothing, I'm fine."

"You're not hurting yourself, correct?"

"No, I'm not." I lied.

"May I come in?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I'm not fully clothed."

"Are you wearing pants?"

"Yea, but how does that make a difference?"

"I'm coming in."

My heart skipped a beat and I dove for a towel in attempt to cover myself, but he saw. He saw me. Everything. A blade in hand, and fully exposed.

"A-Armin..."

I paused. I didn't know what to say.

"G-Get out!" I yelled, panicked.

He shut the door, knowing full well that he walked in on something more than just me harming myself. There were no new cuts, but what just happened was way worse. It was only my binder he saw physically, but he saw a lot more than just that. He saw the real me. The real me that I've been hiding from everyone for years.

I slipped on my shirt and exited the bathroom. He was still standing by the door.

"E-Eren..."

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to walk in like that. I was just worried, I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. Please understand, I was just worried." He begged.

Tears formed in my eyes. He knew what he saw, but I had to make it clear.

"Eren..." I began. "I'm transgender.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> post it


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, state testing is such a bitch. I'm finally getting back into writing more frequently, so that's good.

"Eren, I'm transgender."

The words that left my mouth rang throughout the room. I'd never be able to take them back. Why would I even want to? He knew what he saw.

"Armin, why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

Tears were streaming down my face and and my hand as hovering over my mouth.

"I... I wasn't ready to tell you. I was scared you would look at me differently." I sobbed.

"I'd never see you differently for that. Well, I would, but not in the way you're fearing. I just, I'll know what types of things I shouldn't say and I'll stand up to anyone who dares to mistreat you for that. I'd never see you as gross, or an abomination like others would. Those kinds of people anger me."

"It's just, I'm sick of being different. I want people to treat me like boy. I want people to see me and know that I'm a boy. I'm sure anyone that doesn't know me thinks I'm a girl."

"I didn't think you were a girl." Eren says. "I had never seen you in the school before I switched classes. The morning I walked into the classroom and saw you, that was the first time we had ever met. I knew you were a boy. I never thought you were a girl and I don't think you look like one. People are just jerks, that's the thing. They're being extremely disrespectful and they think that misgendering someone is funny when it really is not."

He walks close to me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me in.

"I just don't get what's so funny about making me miserable. All I want is to be treated nicely. Is that too much to ask for?" I cry into Eren's shoulder.

"No, it is definitely not too much to ask for, Armin. They probably have miserable lives outside of school which may be the reason they're doing this. It doesn't mean that it's okay for them to do this to you."

Eren holds me close and I try to take breaths in an attempt to make my self stop shaking, but I have no luck. My heart is pounding due to the fact that Eren, the boy that made me realize love at first sight was a real thing, was holding me and telling me all these things. He cares about me, he wants me to be happy, and knowing that does make me happy. No, it doesn't cure my depression, something small like that can't cure something as serious as depression, but it makes me feel happy knowing that there's someone else in the world who cares about me and is willing to do what they can to cheer me up.

"Hey, Armin? Can I ask you something?"

I look up at him and notice a light shade of pink dusted across his cheeks. It is incredibly cute, but he looked nervous. Was it because we both practically admitted our love for each other?

"Sure, you can ask me anything. Just not my birth name. That's not something I'm willing to tell."

"Wait, Armin isn't your birth name?" He asks.

"Armin is a male's name, Eren."

"Do you have to tell everyone to call you Armin or..?"

"Legally? No. But I'm registered as male in school. That's why none of the teachers have accidentally called me my birth name. Now, what was it that you were going to ask me?"

"Oh... Well that wasn't what I was going to ask you. It actually doesn't have to do with anything of this..."

The shade of pink came across his cheeks once again, yet this time it was darker. What was it he was going to ask me?

He avoided eye contact and scanned the room around us. "Um.. I was wondering if you, um..." Eren stuttered. "I was wondering if you'd like to be my boyfriend.." he said, staring at the ground. His cheeks were bright red and he was shaking slightly.

The question had caught me by surprise. It was not something I expected him to ask me. I wasn't sure how to respond. Of course "yes" would be the right answer, but you know, socially anxiety won't allow me to be that straight-forward.

We were standing barely a foot apart, and I was looking up at him in surprise. I decided to give in to my actions and jump up wrapping my arms around him. He takes a step or two back before resting his hands on me slightly.

"I-is that a yes?" He asks.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this" I cry into his shoulder, this time around it being tears of joy. He wraps his hands around my body hugging me tightly.

"I'm... I'm sorry for rejecting you the other day. I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now and I guess, I guess I was... scared. I never really wanted to come to terms with it because I kinda just fear rejection.. like, from others. There are so many terrible things that happen for those reasons and--"

"Eren." I interrupt. "It's okay, I get it completely. I've been through it all. Don't blame it on yourself. I'm the one at fault if anything. I jumped to conclusions and assumed you hated me. Small things like that get to me, but it's fine. You know almost nothing about me, to be honest. I'm a mess and sometimes things come crashing down around me for no reason. There's a lot I'm hiding from you, and one day you'll see those things whether I want you to or not."

"O-Oh.."

"What I'm saying is, I trust you. I really do. You're really the only person I feel like I can talk to without being judged. Sure, I still fear judgement, but that's just me. I know you're not like that."

"Armin, does all of this mean I can kiss you?"

"Of course it does, Eren."

He smiles, and without warning and puts one hand on the back of my head, and the other on my back and swiftly places his lips against mine. He held onto me as if I'd disappear if he let go. His lips were warm and sweet against mine and my heart was beating faster than ever before. My body felt all tingly and my stomach was full of butterflies. Who knew love could make you feel this way?

We pulled away and our foreheads were pressed together.

"I love the way your eyes sparkle when you smile, and the dimples that form on your cheeks when you smile. You could light up the whole world with that smile of yours."

"Are you kidding me? Your eyes were one of the first things I noticed about you when I first saw you walk into that classroom. They're the most beautiful shade of green. They remind me of the ocean."

"And yours remind me of the sky."

"You're so cheesy." I tease.

We stood there and just hugged for a couple minutes. His touch made me weak in my legs and I felt as if I could just drift off in his embrace. It was the most amazing feeling.

"You can go shower now. You don't have to worry about me walking in you. I've learned my lesson."

I smiled and nodded before heading over to the bathroom door.

"But first," he said before I entered. "Give me that blade."

A sad expression came across my face as I went into the bathroom and grabbed the small blade that was still on the ground and handed it to Eren. He took it, but before letting me go he planted a kiss on my forehead just like he had yesterday. A blush came across my face, I could feel it, and my hand flew over my mouth to hide my smile. Eren smiled back before walking away to give me privacy.

The urges were gone and this was the happiest I have ever felt in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY EREN


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: cutting/self harm

Eren

Armin and I spent the afternoon being all cute and cheesy. He was lying on top of me, occasionally looking up at me with a little smile. I'd kiss him, and he'd begin blushing and cover his face. I couldn't handle it. He was too adorable. I admit, I was afraid of being in a relationship. We were young, only fourteen and barely halfway through our freshmen year of high school, but I know it's worth it. I was finally ready to come to terms with my sexuality even though I was afraid to label myself as anything other than 'straight.' The only reason I ever denied being gay was fear. I was afraid of how people would react. Not so much my friends, most of them are part of the lgbt+ community anyways, and if not they were allies, but I was more afraid that others would find out and... well, I'm afraid that I would get attacked.

Mikasa came home from school and my mom came back from the store only to go back to running other errands.

Mikasa was in her room and Armin and I were in mine. He was curled up beside me with his eyes shut, and I was scrolling through Tumblr. Armin's phone vibrated on the night stand beside us and he went to check it.

"Oh, shit. Could I run up to the library? I have like three books due today." he asked.

"Yea, sure. I could ask Mikasa to give us a ride."

"No, it's fine. I'll just walk." he insisted.

"You sure? She wouldn't mine."

"Yea, it's fine." he said, grabbing his books from his back.

He walked downstairs and I trailed behind him and headed to the kitchen to grab a snack. Mikasa came down as well, and Armin walked out.

"Where's he going?" she questioned.

"Library." I answered while grabbing an apple from the fridge.

"So..." She began. "You two.."

"Yea?"

"What's up with you guys."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, are you dating yet?"

I began choking on the apple I had been eating while proceeding to scream her name. She laughed at my reaction.

"Hah! You guys so are!"

"No we aren't! I'm not even gay!"

"Eren fucking Jaeger, that's like saying the sky isn't blue." she teased.

"Exactly. The sky's grey today. Have you not seen the snow clouds coming in?"

"Smartass, you get what I mean. You're a fucking homo."

I glared at her as she jumped onto the counter.

"You know we have chairs, so you don't have to put your ass where we eat."

She rolled her eyes at me.

"Fine. Then stop putting your feet on the coffee table. That's where we put our drinks." She said while proceeding to flick me in the forehead.

The room fell silent. Well, that was until I heard her murmur 'homo' which I replied to with, "Shut the fuck up."

"Did you see the laundry I put on your dresser?" She asked.

"Yea. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Mom told me to put it there this morning while I was getting ready for school. You guys were still sleeping."

"And?"

"You guys are fucking gay." she teased.

"No we aren't."

"You were cuddling!"

"Stop yelling!"

"I'm not stopping until you admit it."

"Fine. I'm a bit gay."

"Very gay."

"I admitted it now stop."

"Now just ask him out already! Well, if you haven't."

"I'm going to throat punch you." I threatened.

"Bitch I'm in karate. Fight me. I dare you. I'll pummel your ass to the ground."

I rolled my eyes for the millionth time, which made Mikasa respond with "Yea that's right, keep rolling your eyes at me. Maybe you'll find a brain in there."

"Mika, my schedule literally just completely changed because they moved my up in three subjects."

"Whatever. I'm still older."

"Fuck off."

"K, gayboi."

"Why are you like this."

"Because you're gay for your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend." I denied.

"Damn, I should have taken pics of gayfest this morning."

"You better not do this to Armin."

"Nope. Just you." She said with a smirk.

"Bitch."

"Homo."

"God damn you. Fine, we're dating." I admitted.

"Are you just saying that to make me shut up or.."

"Ask him for yourself if you want. Actually no, don't do that. Bad idea."

"I want proof." she demanded.

"What kind of proof?" I questioned.

"Kiss him. In front of me."

"I don't want to make him uncomfortable!"

"Eren, basically everyone in our friend group is gay."

"But still, I'm not sure he even wants anyone to know."

"Dwaa~ You're being so protective over him!"

"Please never say 'dwaa' ever again. You sound like an annoying Japanese schoolgirl."

"Well, I am Japanese, and I go to school, so... dwaa~"

"I'll choke you."

"Third degree black belt, fucker."

"I'm beginning to think that you took karate just so you can threaten me like this."

"Whatever. Just kiss him when he comes back."

"If he gets mad it's you're fault." I say.

I went back up to my room for a little while but was dragged down my Mikasa when she saw Armin approaching the house from the window in the living room.

"Why are you making me do this?" I questioned.

"Because, I shipped you two from the beginning and I've always known you were gay."

I'm sitting in the kitchen as Armin opens the door. He smiles at me and I walk over to him.

"What took you so long? I was getting worried." I asked.

I looked over at Mikasa who was in the living room looking as if she was going to explode. This. This is what I live with.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I was checking out other books as well. I should have mentioned that before I left."

"It's okay."

I put two fingers under his chin and lifted his head towards me, then, I proceeded to plant a kiss on his lips. It was quick, but he pulled away with a dark shade of pink dusted across his cheeks.

"U-Um Eren... Mikasa, she's over there..." He said, directing his eyes towards her.

"Don't worry, she knows."

"I thought we weren't telling anyone."

"I'm sorry. I didn't really tell her. She kind of forced it out of me." I explained, glaring at her.

I could hear her giggling from the other room.

"O-Okay... As long as she doesn't tell anyone else."

She ran over to Armin and I and hugged us both.

"You guys are so cute!!! I knew you were gay for eachother!"

Armin chuckled at her and she pulled away.

"I'm your number one fan and no one can replace me. Plus, if anyone tries to lie a finger on either of you I will cut their dick off."

"What if they don't have a dick?" I laughed.

"I'll shove seventeen nails up their ass."

"Exactly seventeen?" Armin questioned.

"Exactly seventeen." She confirmed.

"Man you're not playing around." I said.

"Well, of course I'm not going to play around when it comes to people messing with my brother aND HIS BOYFRIEND."

"Mikasa, quiet the fuck down before anyone else hears." I snap.

"Hah, sorry. "

"C'mon, Armin. Let's go upstairs because someone," I glared at Mikasa. "is being a bitch."

"Wow, rude."

Armin and I began walking upstairs, and Mikasa yelled "Use a condom" at us from begin, which I responded to by flipping her off.

"Damn, of course we'd use a condom. Wouldn't want any 'mishaps.'"

"Mcscuse me bitch, what makes you think I'd touch your dick."

And god damn it I could not take him seriously after he said fucking mcscuse me.

"Out of everyone in my friend group, I would have never thought that you would be the one to fucking say 'mcscuse me'"

"Whoops."

"My dick is offended by the way."

"Too bad."

"Why don't you love him."

"Hm, not sure. May just have to do with the fact that a 'little mishap' would be able to happen." He explained.

"Okay but I doubt you're even developed enough to become pregnant."

"Well, it really can't happen since I've been on birth control since I was eleven." He said.

"Wait, why?" I asked, confused.

"Because, you know, there's this thing that a female's body does. In order to have a child. And I don't want that. And birth control stops that."

"Sir I don't know what you are hinting at. I am a clueless teenage boy."

"Mikasa probably bitches about it. Here's a hint too: If she does, it's mostly likely once a month."

My eye widened. I knew what I meant now.

"Oh. Oh."

"Man you are clueless, but long story short, I'm not touching your dick."

"How did we even get into this conversation?" I asked.

"Mikasa told us to use condoms."

"Oh, right."

We were silent for a moment. Then I spoke up.

"There was something I wanted to say but I completely forgot. Umm... Shit."

"I swear if it has to do with your dick I'm breaking up you."

"Wait, no. Please sir."

"Do you remember what it was about?" Armin asked.

"I think it was something about my mom... Oh yea. Um, I was kind of thinking about telling her about, well, us."

"Eren, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Why not? She's supportive." I insisted.

"Really? Because it doesn't really seem like it from what happened yesterday.."

"Well, that was different. But I kind of just want her to know."

"I mean, as long as you're sure she'd be fine with it. I'm just scared that something may happen." He said worriedly.

"Nothing will happen. I promise. I'll make sure she says nothing to your grandfather about it too, if you want." I offered.

"I don't really care if he knows. He'd be happy for me."

"Okay, that's good. I just think that my mom should know. Plus, I'm sure Mikasa is gay too. I mean, she doesn't even want to make contact with me, let alone any other boy, and I know she's very close with her friend Annie."

"Okay..." He said, still clearly unsure. "Just be careful. I'd hate for anything, um, bad to happen to you."

"Trust me, Armin. I'm not going to let her get in between us if it comes to that. I refuse to let that happen. Don't worry about it, alright? Everything will be fine." I assured him.

Yea... Everything will be alright. No worries at all. Nothing bad will happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that these are pasting with the italics and spaces between paragraphs :/


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ho·mo·pho·bicˌ
> 
> hōməˈfōbik/
> 
> adjective
> 
> having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against homosexual people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter may come a bit quicker since I'm on spring break and finally got my laptop to turn on <3

Later that afternoon, Eren's mom returned from her errands. Eren said that he was planning on telling her around dinner, hoping that everything went by well. I asked him once again if he was sure this was a good idea, and once again, he said it was. There was just this feeling, however. There was something just telling me that this wasn't a good idea, but hey, if he says it's okay, everything has got to be fine, right? He would never lie to me, right? Everything will be okay.... hopefully.

 

\-------------------------------------------  
"I-I don't think I can do this..." Eren said panicked.  
"Calm down, okay?" I said sweetly. "Everything will be fine. You don't have to tell her now. If you're not ready that's perfectly fine."  
"I want her to know. I don't want this to be a secret."  
"Well, I don't want to be too open about it. People are jerks."  
"I know." He said. "But I want her to know. She's my mom."  
"Hey, everything happened only a couple hours ago. You can wait if you need." I comforted.  
He let out a frustrated sigh. "I know I just-- ugh!"  
I sat beside him and rested my hand on his shoulder and leaned into him.  
"Shhh. Calm down a bit. No need to get too frustrated. If you need time, you need time."  
"I don't. I just can't make up my mind. Was it this hard for you?"  
"Actually, no. I didn't really have to come out. My parents knew and they're the reason I knew I was a boy at such a young age. The one thing that made them unsure was the fact that they knew I liked boys. I was lucky to have a family like them."  
We were quiet for a bit, but he was still very clearly frustrated. I felt bad knowing that I didn't have to go through this yet he did.  
"Can you do me a favor?" He asked. "If I start talking to her and am struggling to get it out, can you tell her?"  
"Eren, I don't want to push you to do anything..."  
"Please, Armin. I know I want her to know. I know I want to do this. Please."  
I sighed. "Fine, but if I'm able to tell she knows what you're saying, and doesn't like it, I'm changing the subject because the last thing we need is for you to get kicked out."  
"Shit... What if that did happen?"  
"You could live with me if she kicked you out, but you said she's okay with these things so lets not go there, okay?"  
"Okay, but thank you."  
"Anything for you."  
\-------------------------------------  
The evening soon came around and Eren's mother called us down to grab something to eat. Mikasa had karate that night, so she already ate and so did their mother, so Eren and I just had sandwiches rather than a meal. He sat down beside me and handed me PB&J sandwich, which he kindly insisted on making for me. He looked at me and gave an unsure smile before turning to his mother, who was across the counter looking through mail.  
"Hey mom?"  
"Yes sweetheart?" she responded, not bothering to look up from the paper she was reading.  
"Can I tell you something?"  
"Depends. I don't want to hear that you were doing drugs or killed anybody."  
"You really think that I'd do that?" he said with a smirk.  
"Actually, no. You're a bit of a wuss. You still scream when the toaster pops up, and Mikasa has been able to take you down way before she started any form of martial arts."  
I let out a quiet chuckle, which received a glare from Eren.  
"Wow. I am so hurt."  
"Okay, now what is it you wanted to tell me?"  
"Well um..." he said nervously. I could see it leg bouncing up and down. "Well, Armin and are, um..." Wait, no. "...dating."  
Her eyes shot up from the paper in her hand. I didn't think he was going to tell her that.  
"Excuse me?"  
No...  
"I-I.."  
"You're too young to know these things Eren!" She scolded.  
"Wait-- mom!"  
"No, you heard me! Not allowed. You can't know these things about yourself. You're only fourteen!"  
"But-"  
"No buts!" She interrupted.  
Shock turned into anger, and I knew this wasn't going to turn out well.  
"What makes you think you can tell me who I am!" He yelled.  
"Eren, wait-" I said softly, trying to calm him.  
"I know myself better than you do, and that's for sure!"  
"Don't you raise your voice at me young man! You're making your friend uncomfortable, I'm sure!"  
'Friend'  
He bit his lip and made his hands fists at his sides.  
"Come on, Armin. Let's go upstairs." He said, walking away from the table. He hurried upstairs, and I could hear his door shut with more force than usual.  
"Armin, dear. Would you be kind enough to bring Eren his dinner?"  
"Yes, Ms. Jaeger." I said softly.  
"I'm sorry about Eren. He... Well, he's influenced by others, usually those who are much older. I apologize for him forcing you into anything." She said kindly. I simply nodded in response to avoid any disagreements and headed to Eren's room. I quietly opened his door and hoped he would be okay with me coming in. He was sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest.  
"Eren..?"  
"I'm sorry... I should have just listened to you."  
"No, Eren. You didn't do anything wrong."  
"You told me I should wait and I didn't listen."  
"It was only a suggestion."  
"I should have just listened. You knew better." He grumbled.  
"Hey, it could have been worse. Much worse. She didn't say that she disapprove of you being gay, or bi, or whatever you are. She only said that you're too young to know."  
"Did she say anything to you before you came up?"  
"She apologized for you, and said that you're too influenced by older people.. She also thinks you're forcing me into things..."  
"Bullshit. I wasn't influenced by anyone, and I would never force you to do anything."  
"I know, but at least she wasn't mad, and she never said anything about us not being allowed to be together."  
"Just don't say anything to her about being trans, okay? I don't know about hers views on that and I'd hate for anything to happen to you."  
"But what if she can tell?"  
"She won't. You're really not that feminine, so don't worry about it. If she says anything, deny it, but I doubt she'd say anything directly to you."  
"Okay..." I said nervously.  
A faint knock was heard and Eren stood up.  
"If that's her..."  
"It's Mikasa." A voice a said from outside the door, answering Eren's question.  
"Come in!" Eren called.  
She opened the door and walked over to the bed where he and I were sitting.  
"What happened down there?" She asked, concerned.  
"Well, I told mom about Armin and I and she flipped out."  
"Well shit, what did she say?"  
"She told me I was too young to know."  
"That's it?" Mikasa asked.  
"Yea..."  
"So nothing about her not approving or..?"  
"She didn't really say she wasn't okay with it, she just wasn't okay with me saying I am when I'm 'only fourteen'"  
"Well, that's good because we don't need all of us getting kicked out. What did she say to Armin?"  
"Nothing, really."  
"Well... Maybe she'll be okay with it soon?"  
"I'm not talking to her until she admits she's wrong."  
"Eren you can't do that--"  
"Why not?" he interrupted. "She's refusing to accept me, so I'm not going to talk to her."  
"I mean, it makes sense," Mikasa chimed in. "But you can't do it forever."  
"I know, but she has to realize she's wrong."  
"I'm sure she will." Mikasa said.  
She looked over at the alarm clock sitting on Eren's nightstand, which read '7:30.'  
"I should probably go do my homework." She said.  
"Okay." Eren replied as she got up and left the room, closing the door behind him.  
"Are you going to school tomorrow?" I asked Eren.  
"Are you? You should probably wait another day, though."  
"Why? I'm fine. And besides, you don't have to stay because of me."  
"Well, do you want to be alone at someone else's house?"  
"I mean, no, but still..."  
"I'm not leaving you. No matter what. Even if you hate me I'm staying with you until I know you're okay."  
I simply nodded, rather than responding. He was being stubborn, and I knew he wasn't going to budge. All this self pity when he's the one who needs help. His own mother doesn't accept him and you're here crying over him being nice...  
\-------------------------  
It was about nine and Eren and I decided to start getting ready for bed, even though it was still considered early. He insisted that I got plenty of rest, to which I responded with my usual, "I'm fine."  
He was laying down in his bed scrolling through what I'm assuming was Tumblr. I laid beside him and curled up into his side. He moved away.  
"What's wrong?" I asked.  
"I'm going to sleep on the floor tonight, okay? Please don't fight me on this."  
"Why can't we just, you know, share a bed?"  
"I don't want my mom to walk in and see us... She hasn't said anything about us having to break up and I want it to stay that way."  
"Eren, it'll be fine. Don't worry about it."  
"Just leave it be for tonight, okay? I'm paranoid about all this shit and I don't want to fight you on something stupid like where we're going to sleep. I'll sleep on the ground and you're going to sleep on my bed."  
"That's not what I mean, but okay..."  
I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, and tied up my hair. I debated on whether or not I was going to take off my binder before bed or just leave it on without telling Eren, which is what I ended up doing even though I knew how dangerous it was to keep it on. It's only been two days... I'll be fine for a third.  
I walked in and saw that he was now on the ground where I had fallen asleep last night. I sat down beside him again.  
"I'll move if I hear anyone walking this way."  
He didn't say anything in return. Was he mad at me for this?  
"Did I do something wrong?" I ask worriedly.  
"What? No! You didn't do anything, why would you think that?"  
"You've been really quiet around me and seem like you don't want me around... I was just scared I did something wrong earlier."  
"No, you didn't. You did nothing wrong. None of this was your fault."  
"You know, it wasn't yours either." I said.  
"It kind of is. I chose to do this despite the advice you gave me. I really should have listened."  
I stayed silent.  
"You should go to bed."  
"Eren, it's only like, nine?"  
"Yea, but you should really get some rest if you want to go to school tomorrow."  
"It's not like I'm sick or anything."  
"Well..."  
"I don't enjoy being told that I'm "mentally sick."" I said.  
"I didn't mean it in that way, you're just... not well."  
"I'll be fine, Eren. Just stop worrying about me. I've always been able to deal with it on my own, it's not any different now."  
"I can't help but to worry."  
"Yea, just don't think you're obligated to take care of me, because you're not."  
"Okay..."  
I leaned over and wrapped his arms around me. It felt nice being hugged, especially at a time like this. I've never talked about my 'problems' to anyone, so doing it after so long made my anxiety go up and I always started shaking, or felt as if I were about to cry. Being hugged by Eren made me feel like everything was going to be okay.  
"Now really, you should get some rest." He said. "We can go to school tomorrow if you'd like, but if you change your mind in the morning, please, tell me."  
"Okay, I will."   
I sat down on his bed and he turned off the light, and sat down on the bean bags with his phone.  
"Eren?"  
"Yes?"  
I placed my hand in the space beside me and looked up at him. He rolled his eyes.  
"Fine."   
Eren walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.  
"Anything for you." He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed c:


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahaha totally didn't forget that it's been almost 2 months since i updated this..... I got out of school a week ago so hopefully updates will be more frequent. i have an eventful summer planned which makes up for last year. Ugh typing on an actualy keyboard is really weird because it's been a week. dont forget to follow me on instagram @armin_isnotonfire and @_levi_katsuki_

"Armin, are you sure you want to? You can take another day off if you want."  
"I'll be fine. I've been telling you."  
"You say you're fine a lot, you know."  
"I know, but I'm being serious. I can handle going to school. I'm already dressed and everything."  
"Fine, but don't be scared to speak up if you feel the need to leave during the day."  
"Eren, it's fine."  
"Oh my god, will you two stop bickering? Eren, back off. If he says he's fine, he's fine." Mikasa said walking into the living room.  
"But-"  
"Eren shut the hell up." She interrupted. "Armin, I'm sorry about him."  
"No, no. It's alright, he's just worried. That's all."  
"Yea, and he's pretty gay for you too."  
"Mikasa!" He yelled from the kitchen. She rolled her eyes.  
"Hurry the fuck up, Eren. We're going to be late." She yelled back.  
"Okay, okay!"  
He walked out of the kitchen while sliding on his backpack.  
"C'mon!"  
"We have plenty of time to get there!" He yelled back at her.  
All three of us walked out the door into the cold. It was two weeks into November and it was getting cold fast. We already had days that were below twenty degrees.  
"Armin, is your coat heavy enough?" Eren asked.  
"Yea, I'll be okay."  
"Are you sure? It's in the low thirties today..."  
"Eren, don't worry about me."  
"Leave him alone." Mikasa chimed in.  
I felt Eren's hand at my side and I gently grabbed it. He squeezed it slightly. It only took about ten minutes or so to walk to the school but it felt much longer because of the cold. By the time we entered the building, our cheeks were dusted pink, and our hands were bright red, except for Mikasa who was smart and brought gloves.  
"I'll see you guys during lunch," Mikasa said going down the hallway leading to her locker. Mine and Eren's were in the same area so we were able to walk there together.  
"At least we have most of our classes together." He said.  
"Yea, that's nice. I like having someone to partner up with, or just someone to talk to."  
"I'm glad I moved classes. My last ones sucked. I got all the angry old lady teachers."  
"Ms. Rini?" I asked.  
"Fucking Ms. Rini can eat my ass."  
"She hates me and I don't know why. She stands there and stares at me while I'm at my locker and tries to find things about me to pick on. I got in trouble for wearing my backpack for too long."  
"She's a bitch."  
"She probably hates me because, you know, I'm..." I said, not using 'the word' and hoping Eren would know what I meant.  
"How would she know?"  
"It's pretty obvious I'm not really, you know. I'm too feminine."  
"No, you're not." He insisted.  
"Eh..."  
"You are not." He said again. I didn't respond because I knew he was just as stubborn as I am. We grabbed our things and hung out around the lockers, which was something I didn't usually do, but Eren insisted. There were only a couple minutes before the first bell, but I was beginning to get worried. Not about being late, though. There was a dull pain around my chest. Today was what, day three of wearing my binder? I was aware that by now it was probably just as dangerous as using bandages or tape, but then again I was lucky and never had to experience that.  
I was pulled out of my thoughts as the first bell went off letting us know that it was time for us to head to class. Eren and I began walking, but a sudden stabbing pain in my side made me stop. Oh no.  
Eren looked back at me. I was standing in the middle of the busy hallway with my hand clutching the side of my chest.  
"Are you okay?" He asked. I took a small breath and nodded.  
"Are you sure? If you're not feeling well that's okay."  
"I'll be fine." I lied.  
He gave me a worried look, but we continued walking as I tried to ignore the pain. It wasn't getting better. If anything, it was getting worse. Way worse. I felt the same feeling on the other side of my chest. There was no way I can make it through the day.  
"Eren." I breathed, hoping he would hear me the first time.  
"What?"  
"Get in the bathroom, now," I said.  
He didn't question me. He grabbed my hand and we rushed in, closing the door behind us once we knew we were alone.  
"What's wrong?" He asked, panicked. I couldn't breathe properly. I was leaning on the wall taking deep breaths while trying to ignore the fact that I was basically being suffocated.  
"Armin, please. What happened?"  
"It hurts. Can't breathe."  
"What hurts?"  
"My chest... I've been wearing my binder too long..."  
He clearly didn't know much about being transgender, but I wasn't going to get mad at him for that. He didn't know. There was nothing wrong with that.  
"How long? I had no idea there were rules." He said.  
"Three days. You're only supposed to wear them for eight to ten hours."  
"Why the hell would you do that?"  
"I hate my body, okay? I'm scared that you'll judge me..."  
"Armin, I would never judge you for something like that. Just... you should probably take it off."  
"I can't. Everyone will know if I do that."  
"You can wear my hoodie so it'll cover you."  
"You don't understand, Eren. I have a bigger chest than most people in our grade. It'll be too obvious."  
"You don't have much of a choice. Just take off your binder off in the stall and I'll toss my sweatshirt over."  
A loud sigh escaped my lips. I knew there was no way out of this. Sure, I'd much rather risk a broken rib than going a day at school without wearing my binder, but I knew Eren would not allow that. The fact that he cares so much about me is a blessing but a curse.  
I stepped into the handicap stall knowing that there was no way that I'd get out of this.  
"Please don't make me do this," I begged.  
"I don't want to, but I also don't want it to do any permanent damage."  
"I'd risk it."  
"Yea, well I'm not letting you do that."  
I sighed and took off my shirt, unclipping my binder and pulling it off. I quickly put my shirt back on, refusing to look down. Dysphoria is going to be such a bitch today. I pulled up the shirt on the side of my shirt and saw a couple light bruises forming across the side of ribs. Great.  
"Do you want my sweatshirt now?" Eren asked from the other side of the door.  
"Yes, please."  
He draped it over the side of the door and I grabbed it and squiggly slipped it on. It smelled like him, which was definitely a plus, but I was still worried that someone would notice despite the fact that I was wearing a hoodie that was at least three sizes too big for me.  
I leaned against the door and mumbled an "I don't want leave."  
"We kind of have to. We're already five minutes late, not that it really matter all that much."  
"Are you serious? I've already been late to so many of my classes the last few weeks. What's gotten into me?"  
"Armin, it's fine. I'll tell them you weren't feeling well. It's not like I'd be lying, either."  
"What if they ask? Or make me go home?"  
"Don't worry about it. You're fine now, anyways."  
"Not really. It still hurts like hell. I bruised my ribs pretty bad."  
"Bruised? Is it that bad."  
I was silent for a moment. "Yea.."  
"You'll be okay, right?"  
"Yes. It'll be fine. It's just... painful."  
"Well, when we get home you can rest, but we should really go now."  
I sighed once again. "I know."  
"Can you come out now? I'm sure you look fine." He asked.  
I unlatched the stall door and walked out keeping my head down.  
"Armin, you look fine. I can't even tell."  
"I don't care. I hate it."  
He approached me to give me a hug, but I stepped back.  
"No. No hugs." I said.  
"Why?"  
I gave him a look.  
"Oh. Oh."  
Eren walks behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me on the cheek causing me to blush.  
"Found a loophole," He said with a smirk."   
I covered my face with my hands to cover my blush and Eren looked like he was going to have a fucking stroke.  
"Oh my god stop it. I cannot handle how cute you are." He said kissing my forehead. "We should really go now before someone discovers us in here and accuses us of ditching."  
I nodded and took his hand and we walked down the hall to our first-period class. Ah yes, social studies. I would have rather gone home due to a broken rib than attend the class, but I've already missed several days of school, and many before "the incident." I hated social studies, but it honestly didn't help that it was my first class and that our teacher, Mrs. Walters, enjoyed giving us a lot of homework. It's not like it was all hard, it was just annoying and your grade goes down very easily. Seriously, though. She assigned three things on the first day. I can't wait for the end of the year to come already. Sure, it was only the middle of November, but the teachers I had pissed me off. My math teacher made you fear for your life if you forgot your homework, Mrs. Walters gave us at least eight projects a week, and I heard that the gym teacher was a pervert, which was something I wasn't looking forward to, along with the locker room situation. I still was unsure of which room I'd go into, but at least Eren was in my gym period.  
I stopped by my locker and quickly shoved my (chest) binder into my locker before heading to the classroom. When we arrived Eren explained why we were late and the teacher definitely looked suspicious, but I also knew she trusted me.  
"If Armin's not feeling well why hasn't he been brought to the office?" She asked.  
"I feel a bit better now," I said. "I don't want to miss more days if I don't have to. We aren't even halfway through the year and I've missed so many,"  
"I see, but if you're not feeling better after class you should go home." She told me. I nodded in response even though I knew I wouldn't leave. I'm not sick, and I wasn't to begin with. My chest hurt like hell and I could have died because of my stupid and mindless actions, but I wasn't sick.  
"You and Eren seem very close so I hope that was not the reason to you two being late. I trust you, Armin, but if it happens again I won't hesitate to have the office check cameras to see what you two were doing. There aren't any in the bathrooms, but we can still see what happened before."  
Was she implying that Eren and I were doing something sexual?  
"Mrs. Walters," Eren began. "He wasn't feeling well. Accuse me of anything, I don't care, but you know that Armin is a good student and the whole time he was stressing over the fact that we were late. He wouldn't intentionally miss class."  
"I know, but we've had students who've done... 'inappropriate acts' during school hours."  
"And we weren't." He responded.  
"Okay, well you two may sit down. We are taking our test today and you are to work on upcoming assignments after you're finished." She instructed us.  
\----------------------------  
One problem I did not think of when Eren gave me his hoodie was the fact that it said "Jaeger" on the back. Apparently, he was in basketball last year but dropped out because "he was a lazy fuck" as he said it. No one really pointed it out until lunch, but I could tell people were wondering.  
\----------------------------  
"Hey Eren~" Jean teased. "Why's Armin wearing your hoodie?"  
"He was cold," Eren stated. "What, can't I be a nice friend?"  
"I don't know. You two seem very close." Connie chimed in.  
"Sure, whatever. Think what you want. Guys can be nice to each other without it being gay, you know." He said, clearly annoyed.  
Mikasa looked at Eren with a smirk and he glared at her.  
"I can give it back if it's a problem," I said shyly.  
"No," Eren said. "Keep it. Ignore them, they're being annoying about it."  
"Wow, Eren. You're being very defensive. It's not like we can't tell. I mean, it was pretty damn obvious that you were head over heels for Levi." Jean teased. I could tell that Eren was pissed at what he had said.  
Mikasa ordered Jean to stop but Eren was already getting up from his seat. I grabbed onto his arm trying to hold him back because I'd hate for him to get in trouble for Jean being a dick. Eren went to swing at Jean when he grabbed onto his shirt, but he accidentally smacked me in the face with his elbow, knocking me to the ground. It was definitely going to leave a bruise. Hanji was next to me in seconds to see if I was okay while Mikasa and Levi were scolding Eren and Jean. A lunch monitor came over to see what was going on. No one really noticed what had happened since the lunchroom was so loud and crowded.  
Eren, Jean, and I were sent to the principal's office.  
\------------------------------------  
After both Eren and Jean convinced the principal that I was innocent I was brought to the nurses since I had gotten hit pretty hard. Eren and Jean were not going to get out of this. After twenty minutes or so, Eren walked into the room and sat by me.  
"Is it bad?" He asked.  
"Not really," I said. "There's going to be a bruise, but my hair will cover it."  
"I'm really sorry. I had no intention of hurting you. I should have just sat down like you wanted to. This would have never happened if I just listened to you."  
"Jean was being annoying and making assumptions. He should have kept his mouth shut."  
Eren groaned. "You probably hate me now because of what he said."  
"Why would I hate you?" I asked. "Even if you did have feelings for Levi in the past, I wouldn't be mad. I don't get that jealous."  
"I know, it's just... Annoying. Especially since he said it in front of Levi."  
He brought his hand up to the side of my face where the bruise was now forming and gently brushed over it. He leaned over and pressed a kiss in the same spot.  
"So," I began. "What's the punishment for you and the horse."  
Eren smiled at my way of referring to Jean.  
"We have lunch detention tomorrow, meaning I have to spend the whole period in a quiet room with him. At least you won't have to worry about him bothering you tomorrow. Mikasa will be there, though."  
I was upset at the fact that he wouldn't be there during lunch, but there wasn't anything we could do about it.  
"At least they won't be calling my mom. I don't need her yelling at me for that too." He said, rolling his eyes.  
I leaned into Eren and he wrapped his arms around my waist since I wasn't wearing my binder.  
"How are you feeling?" He asked.  
"I feel better, but my ribs still hurt like hell."  
"Maybe you shouldn't wear your binder tomorrow--"  
"No." I cut him off. "I'll be fine. I'm not going without it. Not again."  
"Okay, but don't hide anything from me, please. Tell me if you're not feeling well, or if something hurts. I want to help." He begged.  
"I'll try..."  
\---------------------------------------  
Eren and I sat in his bed enjoying each other's company like usual.  
"Armin?" He said, breaking the silence.  
"Yes?"  
"Do you think you can educate me on being transgender? I want to know how I can help you."  
I don't think I could have found a better person to be my boyfriend.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited

When Eren asked I had no other reaction but to hug him. He wanted to know more about me and how to treat me right, and what he could do to help. Him asking alone made me incredibly happy. He really cares.

"So, is that a yes?" He asked, my arms still wrapped around him.

"Of course I'm just really happy you care enough to ask."

"Armin," he put his fingers beneath my chin and lifted my head so I was looking at him. "It's the least I could do. I just don't want to fuck up and make you feel bad unintentionally."

"No one really cares about it, really. My mom was the one who helped me out and made me happy, but after she died I was kind of... alone."

"Isn't your grandfather okay with it?" Eren asked.

"Yes, he is. He knows how dangerous it is to be open about it, but I don't think he understands how much it affects your self-esteem when it comes to not fitting in with the rest."

"Ah, I see..." He said. "How come binders are so dangerous?"

"Well, I mean, they're making your non-flat chest look flat by compressing everything. That's why it can bruise and even break your ribs."

"Oh, that makes sense. Can't you just use bandages instead."

"No, that is the worst thing you could do. It's so dangerous. Binders are made to do it safely as long as you follow the rules."

"What are the rules?" He continued.

"Wear one that's the correct size, don't double binder, don't wear them for more than twelve hours at the absolute most, don't sleep with them on, and exercise with them on, and pay attention to what your body is telling you, basically," I explained.

"You follow them, right?"

"Usually," I answered. "Sometimes I accidentally fall asleep with my binder on, and I kind of kept it on for the last three days but other than that I've been pretty safe. It's probably because I've never really been around anyone other than my grandfather after school hours..."

"You don't have to worry about me judging. I don't really know much at the moment but I'll never purposely say something to offend you. I don't find any of this weird or abnormal."

"I know... I just don't want you to view me differently. I know you won't but I just want you to know as little as possible about what I was like when I was a "girl" so we can act like I never was."

"I'll never see you as one. I've always seen you as a boy. I've always known you as a boy and I always will unless one day you decide that this was just a phase and you really are a girl. I don't care if you decide you're nonbinary or something like that. I'll always try my best to understand and be there for you." He said placing his hand on top of mine.

"Thank you, but I've only known you for little over a month and I'm just not... I'm not ready to be open about these things. I'm surprised with how much I've told you, actually."

"It's fine. I won't force you to tell me anything unless it's serious."

He leaned forward and pulled me into his lap before hugging me, being careful of my chest since I was still not allowed to wear my binder.

"I know this is one of those things you shouldn't really ask but do you plan on getting surgery?" He asked.

"I always told myself I would but recently I've been thinking otherwise," I said. "I know for sure I'm getting top surgery. I need to or else I'll never be relatively okay with my body, but I don't really want to get bottom surgery. It wouldn't be worth the money and the time and it takes three surgeries to be done. I'd be fine without it, really."

"What about hormones, if you're not on them already."

"Eren, you really think I'm on hormones because last time I checked my voice is almost high enough to be a dog whistle," I said. "If I scream every dog in a ten-mile radius will come here."

"Okay it's not that high but you never know."

"Well, I'm not on hormones and I don't plan on it either. I hate my voice and how feminine my body is but I'm afraid that I wouldn't recognize myself if I changed all that. I could always just stop if I don't like the changes but some aren't reversible."

"I can't imagine you with a low voice."

"Exactly, that's my point," I said. "The thing is if I don't change all those things about myself I'll get criticized for not having a "male's body" and being fine without it."

"If you're okay with how you are then you don't have to change it. Why can't people understand that?"

"Yea, I mean, if you like your nose why would you get plastic surgery? If you like what your hair looks like, or don't mind it, why would you cut it? I don't like those specific things about myself but I don't feel the need to or want to change them. I'm fine with my name being legally changed and top surgery."

"How much is it to do those things?"

"Top surgery is usually about ten-thousand dollars total, and changing your name can be a couple hundred. I know hormones can be about five-hundred dollars a month depending on your dosage, and bottom surgery for trans guys can be over twenty-thousand. I've done quite a lot of research on these things. I'm not sure why, honestly, since I still have four years before I'm even old enough for surgery. Even then, I won't have all the money." 

"Jesus, that's a lot of money. I can't imagine what it would be like to want all of that done."

"Some people are fortunate to have the money. Some aren't. Some don't even have a family that will help them out. My grandfather has a lot in the bank from my parents for this, so I'm very lucky. I just cannot wait until I can finally feel a little more comfortable with myself."

"I'll help you, too. You're not going to be alone through this. I'll be there with you when you get surgery, and if you decide that you want bottom surgery or hormones. I'll always be here with you."

I could feel the tears in my eyes, but I wasn't sad. I was incredibly happy. Never had I thought that there would be someone who'd say those words to me, other than my grandfather, but then again there was no way to know if he'd be around when I get surgery. Eren was the first person in years to tell me that. My mom said it, but at the time it didn't mean as much because I had barely experienced dysphoria, my grandfather said it, but a friend? I've never had a friend say that to me. It's not like I've had an actual friend for the last seven years of my life. Eren was the first, and he wasn't only a friend.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked. "Was it something I said?"

"N-no, I'm just... I'm just really happy that you want to be there with me." I cried. "No one ever treats me like an actual human being. I've never had someone who was so willing to be there for me no matter what, not even my grandfather."

Eren scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me once again. "I'm not doing anything special, really. I'm just doing what a normal friend or boyfriend should do."

"Well, some people don't even put in the effort to do that much."

"Mikasa is here for you, too. Even if she doesn't know. So is Levi, and Hanji, and Sasha, and probably even Jean. We all care."

"Would they be okay if I were to tell them about, you know."

"Yes, of course. We're all okay with the fact that Hanji is nonbinary, so why wouldn't we be okay with you? And then don't forget that half of our friend group is gay."

"Half?"

"Okay, most of us."

"Who's not?"

"I think it's just Connie and Sasha. Maybe Annie? I don't know, I think she has a thing for Mikasa."

"Jesus that's a lot of homo."

"And you've added to the group." He said.

"Hah, yea I guess I have."

"They just don't know it."

"Eren," I said. "It's really obvious. They know, or at least they can tell."

I leaned into Eren and he held me, but not too tightly. My head was against his chest and I could feel the slight rise and fall from his breathing.

"We should go to bed soon. You need rest." Eren said.

I groaned knowing that we would both have to get up even though I was already comfortable. Eren moved me over slightly and head over to his drawer to grab pajamas. He tossed me a larger shirt and I gave him a questioning look.

"I assumed you'd like something baggier. And I kind of want to see you wearing more of my clothes because holy shit it's adorable."

I felt my cheeks heat up slightly when he called me "cute." Usually, it wasn't a compliment I liked due to it being more of a feminine compliment, but I had a completely different reaction to Eren. It was just... different. 

"You're adorable when you're blushing, you know? I had no idea you could get any cuter." He continued.

"Oh my god stop. I'm actually going to die."

Eren let out a small laugh at my response and slipped off his shirt.

"You can change in the bathroom."

I nodded and grabbed the shirt and sweatpants Eren had given to me even though I had my own clothing. I wasn't going to pass up a chance to wear his clothing, especially since he enjoyed it as well.

A couple minutes later and I came out of the bathroom and walked over to Eren's bed where he was laying with his phone. He sat up and walked over to the door to turn off the lights and returned beside me.

"Are you okay with me being next to you or..?"

"It's fine. I don't give a shit what my mom has to say."

With that he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. We fell asleep as close as we could get to each other.

\-----------------------------------------

The next morning I woke up to a woman's voice and someone ruffling my hair.

"Eren, you gotta get up! Your alarm didn't go off!" I heard his mother say.

He quickly sat up and I looked at the clock on the nightstand beside Eren's bed. It was seven-thirty so we still had time to get ready, just not as much. Eren's mom left the room when we both awake and Eren swung his legs over the side of his bed, stood up, and stretched.

"She didn't say anything." He said after a minute or so. "Did she not notice?"

"She had to have noticed, Eren. She's not blind. It was obvious that we were being gay."

"I would have imagined she'd say something about it, though."

"I guess we'll see later, but we really have to get ready before we're late."

"Oh, shit!" Eren half-shouted.

I returned to the bathroom to get dressed once again. I put on Eren's sweatshirt even though I was wearing my binder today (which hurt like hell but I refuse to go another day without it.) I knew he would say something but the feeling of wearing someone else's clothing, more specifically your lover's, just gives you a warm happy feeling. Plus, now I knew that Eren also enjoyed it when I wore his clothing.

The moment I walked out Eren looked at me and covered his mouth with his hand at the sight of me wearing his sweatshirt.

"You're so cute oh my god. I can't take it."

"Oh come on, I'm really not."

"But you are," He said, walking over to me and hugging me from behind. "I thought you said you were wearing your binder today?"

"I am, I just wanted to wear your sweatshirt again because it smells like you and makes me happy," I said with a quiet giggle. 

"I will let you wear my sweaters every day if you want because it's the best thing ever. They're so much bigger on you and it's adorable and I will physically harm anyone who says otherwise."

"Man, you're protective."

"You're fucking adorable, that's why."

"We should really be getting ready so we're not late," I said.

Eren nodded and walked past me into the bathroom to brush his hair and teeth. About ten minutes later we were heading out the door with Mikasa. Eren and I walked hand in hand, hoping that we wouldn't see anyone from school on the way. Eren and I agreed that we wouldn't publicly come out for a while, especially with Ymir and Reiner being a huge problem for me right now. Sure, Eren's friends would be accepting, but I was just paranoid, which I'm sure was quite annoying to Eren. Then again, Jean was a bit of an asshole. Not that he was homophobic, hell I'm almost certain he's gay himself, but he went straight to calling me and Eren gay for something as simple as sharing a sweatshirt and kind of made fun of my feminine looks. There was just something about him that felt off to me, but no one else seemed to notice of I kind of just pushed it off as nothing. He's just someone that I wouldn't feel comfortable being alone with. 

We made it to the school and parted ways with Mikasa since she was a grade above us and didn't really have classes with us. The day went by smoothly, that is until I remembered I would be alone during lunch. Not that I'd be sitting by myself, but I'd be drowned out without Eren there. The thought of not being with him gave me a sense of panic, but I reassured myself by remembering that Jean wouldn't be there to comment on my hoodie. Plus, Mikasa is like a sister to me and she'd stick up for me just as much as Eren would, right? Maybe a bit more mature than him, but still. When I awkwardly sat down beside her, however, Connie did make a comment, which started up the conversation on my relationship with Eren once again.

\-----------------

"Armin, are you completely sure there isn't something that you and Eren are hiding from us?" Sasha questioned.

"I'm sure. There's nothing, it's just a hoodie, ya know."

"Well it isn't just the hoodie," Hanji butted in. "It's the way you two look at each other, and how much he cares for you,"

"Can't a friend care about another friend? Just because we're both guys doesn't mean we can't,"

"Dude there isn't anything wrong with you guys being gay. It's not like we'll hate you or anything. You can just tell us." Sasha replied.

"I can assure you that Eren and Armin are hiding nothing. Now leave Armin alone, he's already got enough on his hands at the moment," Mikasa said, giving the three a death glare that could turn someone to stone.

I remained quiet for the rest of the lunch period and picked at my food. I removed the sweater not long after the conversation ended and decided that'd be the last of that, at least in public.

\-----------------

"So, was lunch quiet without dumbass and I?" Eren asked as we walked back home.

"Kinda. They still bothered me, though. But Mika shut them down pretty quick. I guess I shouldn't wear your clothes anymore," I said with a small sad laugh.

"They really need to get off our asses. It's none of their business. The fact that they're making accusations because of my sweater is just fucking stupid," he said as he kicked a pebble down the icy sidewalk.

We entered the home and were greeted with the scent of cookies. Eren, however, didn't waste time before he darted for his bedroom. I followed him up knowing his intentions. 

"Eren," I began. "You know you can't hide from your mom forever."

"As long as she keeps denying who I am, yes, I can."

"She's gonna come around at some point," I responded, and as if on cue, his mother called for him to come down to talk to her for a moment. At first, he denied, but I forced him to at least give it a try.

He headed downstairs for a bit. I couldn't hear what was being said, but he was gone for a good ten minutes or so before he returned to his room.

"So, what did she want?"

"She wanted to talk about what I said the other night," He said quietly.

"And?"

"She said she realized how foolish she was being and that she was sorry and that she supported us."

"See, Eren. I told you that it'd all work out." 

"Hah, yea... I should really listen to you more often. I guess you're way more mature in these kinds of situations. Or any situation, really."

He sat beside me and pulled me into a tight hug from the side.

"I love you so much. You know that, right?"

"I love you too," I replied.

"I don't want to ever lose you."

"Me neither."

"I've never felt this way towards anyone."

"Well, that makes two of us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, it's been a while, now hasn't it? I apologize. I needed a mental break and some time to get settled into school. I'm doing a lot better this year, mental-wise. I feel a bit happier and have fewer thoughts of harming myself and want to die a bit less. I've kinda lost interest in AoT but I have no intention of discontinuing this fic. Sorry the end's a bit rushed. Next chapter will be better (I hope.)


	13. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. I posted this a couple weeks ago on my wattpad (howell_slide) and kinda forgot about this account. Things are still pretty shit at my place. My dads with his dad but we're so broke... we have to move and I'm absolutely devastated. I'm not in a good place in here so writing is kinda hard, and I hope you understand. Thank you for the kind messages. I appreciate feedback and any kind of comments. Thank you. 
> 
> \--unedited--

"So, I was thinking of telling your friends about us soon..." I began.

"Are you sure, Armin? You didn't like the thought of them knowing a couple days ago. Don't feel pressured because of them being nosy."

"I know, but you said yourself that'd they'd be fine with it. They deserve to know, anyways. You're their friend."

"You're their friend, too. They like you just as much as they like me. You mean no more or no less than them and the fact that you're much newer doesn't matter. Don't think that way," Eren reassured.

"Okay, okay. But still, I feel like they should know. I guess there's really nothing to worry about."

"Well, I'll help you tell them tomorrow. I'm guessing the answer will be no, but do you think you want to tell them you're... trans?"

"I'd rather not. I'm afraid they'd see me differently whether they like it or not. They all see me as a guy now. I'd hate to ruin it."

"That's okay. That's much more personal, anyways. We'll keep it from them as long as you'd like."

"Okay, thank you Eren."

\-------------

2:48 am.

And I was wide awake and on the verge of a mental breakdown. Fantastic.

A wave of emotions had come over me after waking up in the middle of the night and I honestly had no idea why. I guess it just happens sometimes, but of course, it had to be now when I was beside someone else and didn't have the privacy to let it all out without being disturbed and worrying others. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them as my entire body shook and sobs began to escape from my throat. I tried my best to muffle my cries and to calm myself down but I was just so damn scared of everything. I was going home tomorrow evening and I'd have to face my grandfather and talk about what had happened. I wouldn't have Eren to keep me company and to talk to. I'll be telling all of Eren's best friends about our relationship less than twelve hours from now. I was scared of anything and everything. Things that didn't scare me a couple hours ago and things I've been repressing for the last few days. Everything I had been dreaming. Everything was coming after me and sending me into a depressive episode, maybe even a panic attack, as I sat beside Eren as he slept.

Everything hurt and felt numb. I was afraid of everything and felt so alone. Everything felt wrong and I couldn't move or breathe or stop sobbing. I felt myself becoming exhausted and felt the dizziness and lightheaded feeling that always overtook me during these times.

I had no idea how long I had been sitting there. My vision was blurry from all the tears and I couldn't focus on the clock on the other side of the bed. I couldn't focus on anything more than the sound of my deep breaths and the doubtful thoughts in my head. I hadn't even noticed that Eren was awake until he quickly sat up when he realized I was crying.

"Armin, what's wrong?" He said, clearly panicking.

I couldn't even answer that question for myself. Even if I could, it's not like I would be able too. I was practically hyperventilating at this point. I felt as if I would pass out, which would only scare Eren more. Instead, I grabbed onto his arm and pulled myself onto him. His arms were around me in an instant, his hand trailing up and down my back. I gasped for air and attempted to form the words I needed once again but failed. Eren continued to rub my back and tried his best to try calming me down.

"Shhhhh... It's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be just fine." He said calmly. "I'm sure whatever's bothering you can be fixed. Just focus on calming yourself down and not what's bothering you."

I steadied my breathing and was finally able to stop crying. I could now focus on the clock and see that it was past 3:30 in the morning. Wow, I've spent nearly an hour crying. How pathetic. 

"What's wrong?" Eren asked again, after noticing that I had calmed down quite a bit.

"I'm scared."

"Of?"

"Everything. Nothing feels right and I'm afraid everything's gonna crash down around me and that everything will be ruined again."

"Is there anything you can think of that's causing this? Anything specific?"

"Going home, coming out, just existing in general," I say, practically whimpering as tears fill my eyes once again.

"There's nothing to be scared of. Our friends will accept you -- or, us, I guess. And I thought you wanted to go home."

"I do, but I know my grandfather will want to talk to me and I don't want to talk about what I do to myself. He had no idea. I don't want to hurt him anymore," I explain, crying again.

"He's not going to be mad at you. You can't control your problems,"

"He'll be upset. I don't want him to see. I don't want him to know how long I've been doing it. I don't want him to know because I don't want to hurt him."

"You have every right to be scared, but you don't deserve to be this distraught by it. Think differently about it. Once you guys talk it'll be over. You can get help, and you can be happy. Armin, you have problems, and that's okay, but you need help and the sooner you get help to sooner you can be over this," Eren said calmly.

"Help means hurting people. It's not worth it to me. When I keep things to myself I'm not burdening people."

"You're not a burden. Now stop thinking that way. That's not going to help you. In no way do you burden me, or Mikasa, or my mom, or our friends, or your grandfather. You're one of the most important people in my life and I haven't known you all that long. You matter so much to me, and everyone around you, and I just wish you could see how important you really are."

We remain silent for a moment as I once again try to calm myself down. Eren hugs me tightly and gently runs his fingers through my hair.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I said, breaking the small moment of silence. "God, I'm so in love with you."

"I'm in love with you too. You're amazing in every way and I just want you to see that."

\-------------

The next morning I was sleep deprived and felt shitty and Eren was reluctant on letting me go to school. He tried to convince me that my mental health was just as important as my physical health, which I knew, but I didn't see why I should skip. Sure, I felt like shit, but it honestly wasn't that bad. By the end of the day, or maybe even lunch, I'll be fine, so there really isn't a point in missing if there really isn't anything wrong with me. I guess Eren didn't realize how often I had meltdowns like that. You get used to it after a couple years.

School wasn't all that good today. I almost fell asleep in Social Studies and got a D- on a test in math that was worth about 70 points, bringing my grade down to a 77%. My teacher, Ms. Banjoff, wasn't really the nicest of people, either. She didn't let me go with that grade without practically scolding me on my poor performance, and then blaming it on Eren and him apparently being a "bad influence," which I really didn't get because he wasn't as bad as he seemed when it came to grades. Sure, he got plenty of detentions for being an idiot, but it's not like he's a bad student. 

Language Arts sucked because, 1. I had lunch the next period and the anxiety was setting in again, and 2. I was already mentally exhausted from last night and the math class. Luckily I sat by Eren, who held hands with me underneath the desk the whole period to calm me down. 

Lunch finally arrived and I was relieved, but at the same time scared. Relieved because lunch was always eventful and calming in a way. I mean, most of the things I experience take place at that god damn table. I can assure you that if I tell you some sort of crazy story, it happened there. But I was still afraid because of the coming out bullshit I decided to get myself into. I knew everything would be fine but I couldn't help but fear for the worst. What if they didn't like me as a person? Or what if one of them wanted to date Eren? Part of me knew that neither of those would be the case. Eren made sure I knew none of them hated me, and that there really wasn't much romance within the group. Levi and Hanji, as well as Connie and Sasha, weren't really the type of couples to go out on dates and be affectionate all the time. They acted more like friends than anything. We were all just a bunch of lonely, awkward, and loud freshmen that relied on a forty-five minute long lunch period to maintain their friendship.

When we were all there without lunches Eren wasted no time in getting to the point.

"So," he began. "I'm sure a lot of you already suspected that I was gay, no surprise there, but Armin and I are also dating." 

"Eren we already knew. You guys look like you're about to fuck, like, all the time," Jean said with a mouth full of food. Mikasa smacked him on the back of the head.

"Okay yea we already knew you two were gay so why did you even bother with this?" Connie asked. "You guys could have started making out and we probably wouldn't say anything. But hey, congrats."

"Well then," Eren said. "I told you that'd be easy, Armin."

"I guess you were right."

\------------

Soon after returning home Eren had to leave again to pick up something from the store for his mother. He insisted on going alone because it was cold and he was walking, so to make it easy for him I just stayed back. Mikasa returned home soon after, being late because of make-up work for one of her classes. After saying hi to her mother she came upstairs and entered Eren's room.

"Where's Eren?" She asked.

"Grabbing something for dinner for your mom. Why?"

"Oh, I was just wondering. But hey, can I talk to you? Unless you'd prefer to be alone right now,"

"I guess there's really nothing else for me to do right now," I said, getting up. "What do you want to talk about?" I asked nervously.

"Well, it may bother you. I don't know, but if you don't want to continue at any point just tell me, okay?"

"Okay."

"Well, the other day when I got back from karate my mom asked to bring up a basket of Eren's laundry and when I passed by the door was only cracked open but I heard you to talking so I stopped to listen so I wouldn't just barge in and interrupt and I... Well, I heard you guys mentioned something about you, um, being... transgender?"

And that was the topic I fear would be coming up. Something told me this is what it would get to, and I knew she gave me the choice to end the conversation when I wanted, but honestly being forced out of the closet is the only way you'll really ever get me out when it comes to my gender.

"Oh... um, what do you think we meant by that..?" I asked slowly, not sure if you immediately knew I was born female or not.

"I'm not sure, but if you were thinking of transitioning to a female anytime soon I could always help o-"

"Mikasa," I interrupted. "You think I want to become a female?"

"Wait, you're not biologically male?"

"Isn't it obvious? My feminine features? High voice? Girly hair? I was born a girl," I managed to say rather easily. 

"Wow, I really didn't think of that. Were you coming out to Eren then or..."

"He walked in on me while I was changing earlier this week. The day we started dating. Luckily I wasn't exactly naked, everything was covered, but that's definitely not how I wanted it to happen but here I am."

"He loves you no matter what. I know that's a fact," she said.

"Yea... He's told me. I'm really lucky to have him."

"I'm here for you no matter what, okay? And if you ever need me for any "girl" problems," she said using air quotes. "I'm here for you. I will be here to talk whenever you need it because hey, cis guys can be kinda dumb sometimes, whether they mean it or not."

"Hah, thanks. Eren's been very understanding but I'll remember that... I've never really gotten to talk about anything relating to this before so it's a new experience for me."

"I can see it being odd. Eren and I will be here for you no matter what. When or if you get surgery, or if you decide to become female again, we'll love you just the same, okay?"

"Okay, thank you, Mikasa."

"No problem, bud. You're like family to us, ya know?" She said giving me a tight hug.

"I'm lucky to have you guys here. I've never had much of a family. Being surrounded by people is overwhelming but I'll get used to it."

"I'm sure you will. I've gotta do homework now, but talk to me whenever you need. I'm always available if you need someone to help out."

"Thank you so much, " I said with a smile.

"It's the least I can do," she said while walking out the door.

\-------------

My grandfather's flight would be arriving around seven tonight. Honestly, the week seemed so long yet so short at the same time. I wanted to be home and have things just go back to normal, but at the same time, I was dreading the talk that I knew would be coming, and what would come with it. Who knows what my grandfather thinks of me now. Maybe he'll drive me straight to a mental hospital, or maybe he'll suggest therapy just like everyone else. Either way, I knew I wasn't getting away with this considering I almost died.

The evening came faster than I expected and before I knew it I was gathering my belongings and waiting for him to arrive at Eren's home. We were sat together on his bed enjoying our time before I had to leave. I was sat in his lap with one of his arms around me and another playing with my hair. My eyes were closed and I remained silent, enjoying the faint sound of our breathing. We were sat like that for quite a while before there was a knock at the door. Eren's mom opened the door and I could hear her greet my grandfather before calling up for me and Eren. 

"Are you ready to go home?" Eren asked.

"Kind of. I want things to be normal but I know he'll want to talk."

"Everything's gonna be okay, I promise," he reminded me before kissing me on my forehead. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs with him. 

Downstairs I greeted my grandfather with a shy wave before being pulled into a hug.

"Again, thank you for having him stay here for the week. It means so much to me for you to make sure he's safe," he said to Mrs. Jaeger. "We should get going now, shouldn't we, Ar?"

"Y-Yea I guess so," I say nervously. "Thanks for letting me stay," I say with a shy smile as walk out the door with my grandfather.

\-------------

When I got home, there wasn't much said between me and my grandad. Not long after getting home I went up to my room to "do homework" when in reality I was just trying my best to avoid the conversation that I knew was coming. After about an hour or so of reading and mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr, I was called downstairs. I debated lying once again saying that I was just studying or something like that because I knew there was no other reason he'd want me at the moment. Instead, I decided to suck it up and walk downstairs. I entered the kitchen to see him sitting at the small table.

"Come, sit," he said. I nodded and walked over to the chair sat across from him.

"You know what I'm going to say," he began. "And I'm sure it was brought up to you."

"There are a lot of things I'm waiting for you to say," I responded.

"Mrs. Jaeger told me what happened earlier this week, and I was thinking that it was about time for you to see a therapist again."

The words hit me like a truck, no matter how much I'd been expecting it. I never wanted him to know how weak and pathetic I was. I never wanted him to know because he'd feel guilty and honestly, none of this was his fault. Sure, he works a lot without thinking of what the isolation does to me, but that's not his intention. I knew he would feel bad for being so blind to my problems and leaving me alone for weeks at a time.

"It won't happen again, I promise. I'll be fine," I insisted.

"Well from what I was told, this is something that's been going on for quite some time."

"I promise I'll stop, just please, don't make me go back. You know I hate talking to people, especially people I don't know," I begged.

"I'll think about it, Ar, but you should too. It could really help with whatever it is you're hiding from me."

I couldn't help but feel guilty for what he was saying. The way he worded it kind of hurt, but I couldn't complain when it could be hurting him more. I mean, no one wants to see the only person in their family hurt, right? 

"Okay..."

"And I want you to get rid of whatever it is you use to harm yourself in any way."

"Eren already took care of that, I promise."

"Ah, yes. Eren's quite a nice young man, now isn't he?"

"Yea, he is..." I say, trying not to be too gay.

"His mother is very sweet as well. Very nice friend for you to have, yes?"

"Yea, he's very kind. His friends are, too."

"Now," he began. "I wanted to tell you something."

 

I look up at him, not knowing what to expect.

"I'm getting old, ya know. You're always home alone, too, so I guess that now is finally the time for me to retire. I don't want to be working until I'm on my deathbed, now do I?"

"Grandpa, please don't tell me this is because of me."

"No, no. Don't worry about it. It was bound to come at some point anyway."

"When will you be retiring?" I ask.

"I'll be going on one more trip in about a week and a half, and after that, I'll be done," he said. 

"How long will you be gone?" 

"About a week. Six days."

"Okay."

"I may have you stay with Eren and Carla again. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable leaving you alone again."

"Grandpa, I'll be fine, I promise,"

"Well, we'll see. Not that you'd mind staying with Eren again,"

"I wouldn't mind, I just want you to know you have no need to worry."

"It's my job to worry. We'll figure it out when the time comes, now, you should probably go get your homework done. It's getting late."

I nodded and when up to my room with my back pack and set it beside my bed. I didn't have homework, which was a very rare occasion in high school, but I just wanted to escape that awkward conversation and text Eren. I told him that my grandfather approved of him, which made him happy, and that he kept hinting at us being a thing. We texted for hours, even though it only felt like minutes. We both became tired and he texted me good night. I responded back. He followed it with and "I love you" and a spam of heart emojis (what a dork) and I couldn't help but to blush. 

I set down my phone and curled up within my blankets wishing that Eren could be next to me. 

\-------------

WELL SHIT LOOK WHO FINALLY UPDATED.


End file.
